Locked Up
by Insomniac Jay
Summary: Set after season two finale. While Maura is on safari searching for herself and forgiveness in her best friend, Jane is forced to go undercover as an inmate when three ex-cons are murdered in a single weekend. Rated M for subject and sexual situations.
1. Tammy

**_Important_ Author's Note: Okay, I know that I said I was done but I have one last final story in me that I think is kind of great. So, it's set after the season two finale. All we pretty much know about this new season is that Maura comes back from a Safari. So, I decided I would play off of that. When three lesbian ex-cons are found dead, Cavanaugh makes Jane go undercover in prison. I'm not sure if I want Maura to go undercover with her but I do know that I want both of them to realise what it's truly like without each other. While Maura is slowly forgiving Jane, and Jane forgiving herself, the two deal with their issues by talking it out and yada yada. It will and definitely be Rizzles. Anyways, I'd really appreciate it if you guys let me know how you feel about this. I don't know...it makes so much more sense in my head. Maybe after a few more chapters you'll be able to tell if you're interested? I'll see if there's another way I can explain it without giving away too much. Hmm. Plain and simple:**

**Set after season two finale. While Maura is on safari searching for herself and forgiveness in her best friend, Jane is forced to go undercover as an inmate when three ex-cons are murdered in a single weekend.**

**How's that? Not better? I'm sorry! Just let me know what you think and I promise I won't give up on this...and maybe the other stories. Reviews are kind of necessary in this case but if you are not interested in the story at all, just disregard it. Like my late mother used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" except with her she said it in French and if she even tried to say it in English, she'd probably end up saying "if you say something mean, you are nice"**

**So...here we go.**

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><p>The clamorous dissonances between each prison mate and guard tackled the silence in the room inch by inch. Tammy Whitaker accepted her belongings with a perky smile that had been plastered on her face since the agreement of the prison board decided she was ready to be released. That was two weeks ago and Tammy couldn't stop counting the days down. Now, at exactly noon, she was being released from prison after a quite long four year sentence. She'd been taken down with her old best friend Jessica Woodley, but after taking her plea bargain, the young woman got a much shorter sentence.<p>

"Good luck out there, T-Whit." Tre Washington said with a slight smile. The slightly dark woman wore a dull dark salmon orange jumpsuit. The worn down variously stained suit was fifteen years old, just as old as Tre's years in prison. Originally, the suit came in a dull coral but it was now jaded with age. Tammy never knew Tre's actually name but she wasn't sure she ever really wanted to know the woman before prison.

"I ain't ever gon' see you again, am I Tre?" Tammy asked, already missing the woman that protected her.

"Nah," Tre frowned, picking at the folded clean uniforms on the dingy brown rusted cart she'd been pushing around. She picked this shift so she could stop to say goodbye to her friend. Her only real friend she ever made. "I'mma miss that accent."

"Don't let em hurt you, Tre. Ya hear me?" Tammy demanded from her friend. She needed to know Tre would be okay. She knew that the woman would never get out of prison. She'd had plenty of chances, even Tammy knew that, but something about the prison life fit Tre. "T, promise me."

Tre would've ran some skinny fingers through her hair, nervously if she could have. Her dark hair was braided into cornrows. "Look, I'mma be fine. I live these cells, ma. I ain't gon die in here. I can promise you that." She forced a smile. The killer smile that normally settled differences between the two. It wouldn't work this time and she knew it but Tammy didn't have enough time to argue with her.

"T-ray!" Sheila Black – the only prison guard that ever gave Tre a problem that sunk deeper than average hate from the gaurds – enunciated. "Push the damn cart!" She ordered. "I ain't playin."

Tre scratched at her chin before dropping her hands to the push bar of the cart. "I gotta go. Come see me, Tammy. That's the only way you ever gon' see me."

"I love you, Tre." Tammy felt tears stinging her eyes. Tears Tre told her she could never shed in prison. Tears that told everyone around her that she wasn't as strong as she seemed. "We gon' see each otha again. I promise."

"Get outta here, ma." The darker woman urged with the nudge of her cart into Tammy's side. She smiled at her friend one last time before pulling it away. Tammy wanted to hug her protector. She wanted to smell her one last time. But it wasn't over for her. She knew she'd see Tre again one day. Even if it didn't mean while she was young. Even it meant when they were older, she knew that she would see her best friend again one day.

Tammy made it to her halfway house, safely. The Victorian house was one of the only ones left in Boston. It was a shame it'd been used for such criminals. Ones that rarely ever took their sentencing seriously. Three months here and she would be a free woman. If she found a job before her deadline, she would be able to save up enough money to get her own apartment where she and Tre talked about.

The pale woman walked up to the wooden porch, each step she took on the stairs announced her arrival. Before she could even knock on the door, it was opening.

"Tammy Whitaker?" A redheaded woman questioned. Her eyes were crazy angry. It scared the young woman. She spent so much time locked up, she forgot about the crazy people on the outside of prison. The ones who didn't talk about getting out. How would she make conversation with anyone on the outside world?

"Yes, ma'am." Her thick accent slithered. "You mus be...Lady Perkins?" She inquired, looking down at the piece of paper in her sweaty hand.

"Indeed." Lady smiled. "Come in, sweetie. We've been expecting you." The fire-headed woman moved aside to let the blonde in.

"Thanks, ma'am." Tammy squeezed through the impossibly thin threshold. "I'm glad to be here, ma'am. I promise I ain't gon' cause no trouble. You ain't even gon' know I'm here. I'mma be working my butt off to get an apartment for me and my...my friend."

"That's lovely, dear." Lady smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. I don't like trouble. I'm not shy about sending goons back to the ward."

"Promise, I ain't trouble." Tammy swallowed, fearfully. She didn't want to trouble anyone. She just wanted to live up the promises she made her best friend. She wanted to save up enough money to pay the bail because she knew Tre wouldn't be on her best behavior enough to get out on time. Every time it was close for the dark woman to be released, she would do something stupid to get herself slapped with another five years. Her original sentence had been five years. But, after the first year, she was afraid of ever leaving prison. She was afraid of prison but most importantly, she was afraid of who was waiting for her outside of prison.

"Let me introduce you to your housemates." The counselor gave a polite smile before leading Tammy into the dining area. Waiting in there like it'd been a homecoming party was a diverse group of women. They all wore regular clothing. Something Tammy hadn't been quite used to seeing yet. Hell, she only owned one outfit now and she was wearing it. Part of her missed her old jumpsuits. Who knew they would become apart of her identity. "This is Gail." Lady pointed to an overweight short butch woman with dark short hair. Tattoos covered her right arm.

"Nice to meet you, ma'am." Tammy extended her arm. Gail gave her a disbelieving look.

"Where you from, missy?" She mocked the young woman's accent. "Hell naw, Lady Perk. We can't have some hillbilly around here."

"Excuse me?" The blonde pulled her arm away, already knowing she wasn't going to get a proper introduction to this woman. "I'm not a hillbilly."

"Gail, don't be mean." Lady pretexted. "This is Vicky." She pointed to the next woman. This one seemed more friendly, at least that what it seemed like at first. The smile on her first quickly disappeared when Lady had turned to sign some papers. Tammy swallowed hard at the cold look she received from the woman. "The next three are Kate, Barbra, and Keisha."

"I'm yo roommate." Keisha announced with an extended arm. "Nice to meet you."

Of all the five women, this one seemed to be the kindest. Tammy only hoped it hadn't been another facade. "Nice to meet you too." She smiled, shaking the other woman's hand. "I'm Tammy." She told all of them.

"I'll show you to our room." Keisha smiled, grabbing the bag that Tammy had dropped to the floor. "It's right upstairs." She brushed along the other woman, grabbing Tammy's innocent hand. She felt bad for the young woman. The younger woman had a personality that women from prison usually ate up. She remembered being that way herself. She tried to hold on to her own humanity but on some days she just had to give up. Seeing this struggling young blonde gave her reason to believe that not all ex-cons were just as bad as their sentence.

Tammy knew that Keisha was her new Tre. She could sense it in the way the woman took her hand to guide her. She noticed it in the way that she'd been the only one that genuinely cared to meet her. Truth be told, she was afraid of the streets just as much as she feared prison. But, the difference between the streets and the cells was that she didn't have Tre Washington to tell others to back off. Here, and now, she had Keisha. But, she wasn't going to forget about Tre. She was going to get her out of prison. She was going to do it because if she didn't; she didn't know who she'd end up being and how she'd end up being.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Yes. This is still the same story. I just figured I should give a background of the two first characters, Tammy and Tre because they will be important. Especially Tre. By the way her nickname is pronounced T-Ray. She's a character from another story of mine. One that I got published into a local book collection. Anyways, her character looks a LOT like Alicia Keys. Tammy looks like A.J. Cook. **_


	2. Devotion

_Everybody likes to go their own way-to choose their own time and manner of devotion. - Jane Austen _

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><p>Three months later.<p>

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock was pulling towards midnight and Jane Rizzoli nor her partners had been any closer to breaking the case. The detectives were a rough blend between hopeless and pertinacity. The case involved children. That made them work ten times harder than they normally did. The female detective was nibbling away at her pencil, absentmindedly. She couldn't put everything together in her head. After reading all of the clues, writing them down, and even hearing them they all had the same affect on her. She felt like a failure and she knew that she couldn't even voice her insecurities to her team. They thought she was strong. They all seemed to be under the idea that Jane Angela Rizzoli only had a heart for Joe Friday and Maura Isles. And her family when they weren't annoying the crap out of her.

"Let's just call it a day, Jane." Vince Korsak offered, pushing himself to his feet with the help of the help of his chair and desk. The older man walked over to the dry-erase board and studied the clues once more.

"Yeah, I'm really tired." Barry Frost agreed, dropping his pen to his table. He kept staring at his own notes and they didn't make any damn sense to him. The witness statements didn't add up to anything that involved their case. "We can pick up in a few hours. We need some sleep to process all of this anyway."

Jane got to her feet and walked next to her sergeant to study the words on the board. Her hands had been on hips as she read the words over and over for what felt like the hundredth time. "You guys can go." She knew that they didn't have the same tactful proficiency as her. She didn't like to be confused.

"Are you sure?" Both men questioned in concert. "Because we can stay." Vince continued, eying the brunette carefully. He cared for her as a daughter, so it bothered him to see his friend so troubled by the case. He knew what she was seeing when she looked at the photos of the kids. She saw her little brothers. Not them as adults but as kids. When they were blissful. When they didn't know of the harm – the monsters – out in the world. He knew they were part of the reason she turned to law enforcement. To protect them. No matter what she said to lead others on, Jane wanted to save the world from monsters.

"I'll be fine." Jane tried through a yawn. Both men shrugged, calling their relief of the night a victory. "Let's all meet up around seven?"

"That works." Barry had already been up from his seat with his bag strap around him. Vince was shrugging into his coat. "See you guys at seven."

"I'll bring the coffee." Vince promised before giving Jane a peck on the cheek. She smiled at them, watching her partners leave. She sighed deeply. She really needed to find the man doing this. There was something about her job that she truly loved and it was catching them. Sometimes she just wished she could get to them _before_ they got to others.

"If only I could see into the future," The brunette laughed to herself, going back to her desk. She plopped down into her seat. She sipped the rest of her coffee, staring at the board. Nothing added up. Four victims in two days and not one person saw anything. They all had different statements. One man claimed he saw the shooter in a red shirt. Another man said he saw the shooter wearing a blue hoodie. All witness statements led her and her team in different directions and it aggravated her. The detective let out a long heavy breath before just grabbing her blazer and keys from her desk. It was time to go home and she didn't even have the energy drive herself home.

After shooting and killing Patrick Doyle, the brunette found herself turning a deaf ear to her best friend's absence by burying her head into her work. She missed Maura Isles. The doctor was pissed at her. The doctor should've been pissed. Jane felt like shit. She couldn't forget those words Maura said to her on the day she announced her sabbatical. _Jane, you killed my biological father. _It wasn't the words intrinsically that hurt her. It was the tone. A mixture of pain and anger. Desperation and disbelief. Accusation and numbness. Ever since that day, the brunette hadn't seen her friend. She hadn't heard from her. She hadn't spoken to her. She hadn't even been able to send a letter to her friend. It'd been three months since that day. Three months.

In some ways, Jane was still the same and in other ways she'd been different. She recoiled when anyone outside of her triangle tried to speak to her. Her triangle included Barry, Vince, and Frankie. Angela – her own mother – had been pissed with her too.

"Jane, just because your father is an asshole doesn't mean you should go around shooting other people's dads." Angela had said to her once. After those words, the detective shied away from her mother. The truly only understanding people were those who would've done the same thing if they'd been in that situation. The only reason they would've done the same thing was because they'd been trained that way. So, as stated before, the only people Jane decently trusted herself around were her triangle of other law enforcers.

"Hey, Joe." The detective greeted in the same voice she'd speak to a baby. "Miss me girl?" The dog jumped into her arms. Jane smiled and carried her tiredly to her room. After stripping herself of most of her clothes except for her undershirt and panties, the brunette climbed into her bed. She drifted into a sleep that exhibited that dreadful day, making her watch what she did compared to what she _should _have done the day she shot Patrick Doyle.


	3. Changing

_"What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance." - Havelock Ellis _

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><p>Twenty hours later.<p>

Jane's thin long fingers wrestled with the top of her third beer bottle of the night, cursing her fingers for being so damn clumsy. She knew her ineptitude had something to do with the three beers, two shots, and stolen gulps of her partner's drink. Barry had been too busy flaunting his profession to a woman with a nice rack. That was the only quality Jane could point out about that woman that she found marginally enticing. God damn that bottle top for being so difficult to finagle. The brunette was rescued by the amused bartender that normally served her whenever she came to the Dirty Robber.

"Thank you." The off-duty detective's voice had been filled with appreciation. Her excessive drinking were celebratory drinks but also for the excessive amount of deplore to the fact that she missed her best friend Maura Isles more than anything she ever missed in her life. The brunette gathered the bottle from the granite bar top and brought it to her lips.

"I hear you're also a detective." The pal of the dumb broad Barry had been chatting it up with said. "Most men would find that threatening. I find it to be...sexy."

"Let me guess," Jane drooped her head, pulling the bottle slightly away from her lips. "You'd love for me to interrogate you. You'd love for me to use my cuffs on you any time?"

"Basically." The male blonde shrugged with a faultless smile. Jane licked her lips, irately, getting ready to hand his ass right back to him. But, before she could say something to him she thought about it for a moment. She did recently discuss ways to deal with her anger for the ignorance and boldness of others with her therapist. She could either yell at the bastard for even attempting to flirt with her or she could simply and politely decline his invitation. Which seemed exciting to Jane? Yelling at him, of course. She would rather raise a thousand hells. The well framed woman took a few breaths before saying something to the waiting stranger. He seemed patient. Too patient. He was confident he'd be going home with Jane and that didn't sit right with her.

"Look," She turned to him, setting her beer down on the napkin she used as coaster. She'd picked up the habit from visiting Maura's house far too often. The honey-blonde always badgered Jane about them and she would be too lazy to always have to go get a coaster so eventually she just used the same napkin. She'd unfold it and used the limited surface of the napkin as a limit to cut herself off when she ran out of room. "Unless you've got a nice smooth pussy in those jeans of yours." She used the tilt of her head to point. "I'm going to have to decline, respectively." Her ironic words made her want to laugh but she held back her amusement.

"You're a dyke?" The male asked, his face changed to a dark red. Jane couldn't decide if it was because of her declination or because he'd been ireful of learning _why_ she wouldn't go home with him.

Jane nodded, sure he wouldn't try anything with her. He pointed out himself that she was a detective, she only hoped he wasn't stupid enough to irritate her. "Yup." She clucked her tongue. "Is that a problem?"

"It's a sin!" He sneered, just loud enough to turn the head of the dark detective who would protect and defend his partner until his dying day. He turned to Jane, trying to look over the shoulder of the tall, angry man in front of her.

"Oh, and I'm sure picking up women in a bar is on the list of demands for being a truthful follower of God." The brunette defended, easily. She could take this guy, he wasn't taller than her. He had no build to him whatsoever. He was just bones and even though that was the same description Angela Rizzoli used to describe Jane, it wasn't entirely the case. She looked weak but Jane was much stronger than her mother gave her credit for. She slid off her barstool to give herself an ease of advantage. She wouldn't be bullied, not anymore. She wouldn't take shit from anyone and she had a very willing partner there to back her up. Hell, even the men at the booth behind him would back her up, despite their own cynical beliefs in Jane's ability to do her job. She had a lot of police officers and detectives there to help her take down any clown that stepped to her.

"It's disgusting!" The nescient man proclaimed. "I could probably fuck you better than some butch dyke could. I suspected as much when I saw you and that black guy kept saying you were his partner. I needed a fuck so I was willing but I guess I was right then."

"Guess you were." Jane turned, deciding against her better judgment to knock a hard knuckle right in his nose. The brunette grabbed her blazer and turned her head over her shoulder to find her partner. She noticed an arm swinging her way and immediately ducked. Completely missing his target, she noticed crash of the man into the bar. "You just swung at a detective for the police department, buddy." She said with a wicked smile that she got when she really loved her job. Her cuffs were from her holster in seconds and Barry had been there holding the man in place.

"Really bad move, man." The dark man advised with a smile. "You just pissed off the baddest detective in Boston."

"She turned me down!" The bony man exclaimed, struggling against the cuffs that were shackling him. The partners ignored the angry protests. "She's a fucking dyke, man! I can't go down like that!" The brunette quirked an eye-brow in his direction. They'd been dragging him out of the bar now. Jane had wanted to take the car but they knew they wouldn't have time for that so they decided to just walk the asshole back to the precinct. She knew she'd be spending the next hour throwing charges at him and in the morning, whatever ones that stuck would have to wait to suffice. If any stuck at all. Some judges were still belligerent on the subject of gays. Jane wasn't too thrilled with the fact that she was back at the precinct now. It was a Friday night and she was sure she would've been going home with some woman she found at the bar for a celebratory fuck to go along with her drinks.

"Back so soon detectives?" The uniformed officer asked, tailgating the two. Jane let Barry continue on with the violent man as she stuck near the entrance of headquarters.

"Yeah," She ran shaky fingers through her dark locks. Shaky hands were common when she tried to hold her anger in nowadays. Her therapist had suggested she talk everything out so when she agreed not to throw punches when someone pissed her off, her hands quaked from withdrawals. They'd been so used to being pressed against someone's face when she was angry, they didn't know what to do with themselves now.

"Janie," The brunette heard from the cafe behind her. She already knew who it'd been. A familiar voice she doubted she'd ever be able to forget. The voice nagged her so much growing up – and even now as an adult – it was permanent in her head.

"Ma." She turned, unwillingly. Angela had a reputation for being an overwhelming mother and all Rizzoli's except for Tommy just about hated it. Even their now-absent father, Frank Sr. hated to be smothered in love by Angela. But if she wasn't smothering you in love, she was yelling at you for all of the things you do wrong. Jane's sure she did everything right this time. Instead of getting into a fight, the brunette just arrested him like a normal detective would have. Instead of saying anything rude to him other than the rude way to revealed her sexuality, she would say that she did pretty damn good. Better than she would have been doing two months ago. No one around here ever noticed her changes. No one knew she'd been taking therapy.


	4. Understanding

**_Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. - **Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944)**, _"The Little Prince", 1943__**

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><p><strong><em>Maura's Point Of View<em>**

_Three months earlier._

She shot him. She shot my biological father and I can't even bring myself to hate her. I want to. I want to pull together all of the pain, the hatred, and the disgust I truly feel for humanity at times and I want to axis it all to Jane Rizzoli. She shot my biological father. For what? Protection? I know I gave off the impression that I wanted the worst for him because of his job. Because of what he did to my mother and I. Truth is, and even Jane should have known this, I can't truly hate Patrick. As a man, he has done evil things. He has taken lives – even if the men were well deserving – and he has caused many of people pain. But, if it hadn't been for him I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be standing in the cold with rain cascading and wind tumbling me over. I have to keep my ground and I do my best. Somehow it got darker a lot sooner than I was ready for. I can see Jane. She's worried. About me. About Doyle. About my mother. She's watching me, waiting for the moment that I show her that I need her. I can't give off the impression. Not now. I can't let her know just how much I need her to hold me right now to tell me all is going to be okay.

"Doc," The paramedic looked at me, with scared eyes. He was delivering bad news and I knew it. "Doc, he's gone."

I nodded. I already knew this. I knew that he would die the moment Jane shot him. The thing about Jane is that she doesn't shoot to injure. She shoots to kill. It's not something she can control, and I'm almost glad it isn't. But, when the gun is pointed at someone I love, how could I not hate her? How could I not hate her and her damn good aim?

"Thank you." I said to him before I turn to walk away. My arms are wrapped so tightly around my body. There are multiple reasons for it. I'm cold and I'm trying to keep myself as warm as possible. I want to keep my emotions under wrap but that's hard to do. It's easier to cry in the rain, I've noticed that. They all assume my face is wet and my mascara is smeered because of the rain drops. I let them assume away because I don't want them to think I'm weak. I don't want Jane to know that I need her.

"Do you want a ride home?" Frankie asked me. I could feel his hand on the small of my back. Jane sent him over. He knew just how to treat me when Jane told him to do it. He knew just how to hold me when Jane told him to do. He mimicked all of her actions. He became protective just like her.

"Can you just take me to my mother?" I looked up at him. It was so hard to look at him and not be angry with him too. It was hard to look at anyone and not be angry. I was angry with humanity. Myself. Patrick. Mostly Jane. God, if he exists.

"Sure." Frankie guides me to his new car. I can tell it's new because of the smell. I'm so used to the smell of new. New car. New clothes. New furniture. The car ride was slow but for the life of me I can't remember anything that happened throughout. Frankie and I could have held an entire conversation – although I seriously doubt it – or he could have drove in silence. To this day, I'm still not sure what happened in the car between us. My mother is awake. Breathing. Listening to her doctor fill her in on the accident. When she noticed me, something in her mind clicked. I could tell by her facial expression. She remembered why she'd been hit by the car. Why her doctor hadn't been mentioning me. She was protecting me.

"Maura." She smiled, taking my hand. "Honey, what's wrong?" I could have lied and told her that it was her I was crying for. I wasn't sure how successful that lie would have been but I could have tried. It was an easy excuse. My mother was in the hospital. I almost lost her.

"Patrick Doyle is dead." Is all I say. Her doctor knew of him because I heard her sigh.

"Well thank God." She smiled, patting my shoulder. "Boston's most notorious boss. Thank heavens someone finally stopped him." I, and my mother, wanted to tell her that Patrick's wrong doings didn't define him as a man to us. To us, it was another difference between us. What the true tragedy to us were that we lost him. I lost any chance of ever meeting my birth mother.

"Will you give us a minute?" I asked her, ignoring her previous words. I didn't want to make a big deal of it because whatever business I had with Patrick Doyle was just that. My business. The doctor gave me a smile before leaving.

"How?" Is all my mother could muster up. I took the seat next to her, still holding her hand. I want to explain to her that Jane isn't as violent as her job makes her look. I want to defend her to my mother. I want to do whatever it takes to make sure that whatever opinion my mother has on Jane is that she did it to protect me. But that would be a lie. That would be a lie because I don't believe it myself.

"I was bate," I swallowed hard, unsure of how to tell this to my mother without worrying her. I could tell I've already done a terrible job of that because her face changes from sadness to worry. "The case we were working on before...all of this happened. I was bate to track the murderer. Patrick was there. He had a gun and pointed it. I can't remember where he pointed it to, but Jane shot him." I wanted to believe that he pointed it to her. That maybe that was the reason she fired. But, my memory serves me wrong. It betrays me. It tells me that he pointed the gun to the fireman and Jane misinterpreted.

"I'm sorry, dear." My mother squeezed my hand for good measure, because it was the only comfort I could get from her without harming her. I nodded, but I didn't know where to go from there. I didn't know what to do with my body. I just knew I had the same question rephrased running through my mind over and over again. The source of it was simple: _why? _

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><p><strong><em>AN: _****_Like I stated before. Let me know if you're interested in this story with reviews on your honest but appropriate opinion._**


	5. Destiny

_"When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough." - **Maurice Maeterlinck (1862 - 1949)**, ___Wisdom and Destiny, 1898__

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><p><em>Present Day.<em>

Maura Isles stood next to her tent. Occupying her body while her mind told her it was time to go home. It was time to return and face her fears. It was time to face her worries. Her issues. This safari had to come to an end. She'd found what she'd been looking for and somehow she still wasn't happy. Nothing made her happy. Actually, that's incorrect. The only thing that made her happy was the very thing that had her feeling so empty of any emotion that wasn't anger. On some days, Maura could swear she was beyond anger and just feeling the effects of the pain. The loss of any contact with her birth mother. The loss of her birth father – even though she was angry with him but for reasons that weren't important anymore. On other days, she could declare under firm oath that she beyond the pain and just feel anger towards Jane. But, it wasn't just Jane she was angry with. She was angry with herself for letting Patrick Doyle's death shake her entire life. She was angry with Patrick Doyle for going against her wishes and not staying away from her. Maybe if she's been more inflexible with him, he would still be alive. She was angry with her biological mother for being so good at being hard to find.

Most importantly, she was angry with humanity for confusing the living hell out of her. How could she hate and love people simultaneously? She loved Jane. More than anyone. But, right now, that love had the same capacity as hate. She loathed Jane. Every particle that made Jane who she was, she wish she could crush within her fingers. But, she wouldn't. Given the chance, she knew she would never harm a hair on the brunette head. Because once again, she loved Jane more than anything.

"Maura," Ian called from the fire he'd been spending thirty minutes trying to get started so he could prepare the dinner. Maura had offered to help after the first ten minutes, but after politely and then impolitely declining her, the doctor just dragged her tired body over to the tent. She hadn't been expecting to find Ian, honestly. She knew she wanted to be away from majority of humans for a while. Mostly, she wanted to be away from Jane and anything that had to do with cops. When she found Ian, she sort of stuck with him. Something in her mind clicked. Ian was once the love of her life. If anyone knew her, it should be him. But, he was just as clueless as Maura herself. Running into Ian had been a surprise to the doctor. She never believed in luck or fate. But, the chances of actually running into him without meaning to were second to none. They'd both been stranded from technology. So, it wasn't like she could call and ask him where he was and to meet up with him. But, something in this meeting, something in this seemed like it was meant to happen. Thanks to Jane, she thought that this was actually supposed to happen. The detective constantly argued with her over destiny. _This _had to be apart of her destiny, right? To find Ian. To finally join him.

Before she met Jane, she could recite a list of facts about her beliefs and non-beliefs. Things she loved and things she hated. Like, she loved operas. She loved listening to Ludwig Van Beethoven. She loved to watch the Discovery Channel and even the Food Network. Now, she wasn't sure what she enjoyed anymore. She listened to Bruce Springsteen because Jane listened to him. She watched ESPN a lot more than she would like to because Jane watched it. Her tastes were much more capacious due to Jane introducing her to new things.

"Maura," Ian tried again when the honey-blonde's thoughts pulled her back in. "Maura, darling. I've just started the fire."

"Oh." Maura thought for a moment. Looking at the alignment of the stars with the moon, she couldn't help but think of how difficult it was to see everything so clearly in the city of Boston. But, something pulled her back to Boston. Something – someone – pulled her away from nature. Not just mentally and emotionally, but physically she felt so withdrawn. Everything that interested her about nature before, was now just another flower and plant in her eyes. She could recite the plant by name but without more than a second glance out her peripheral vision, she wouldn't care. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go back to Boston.

"Are you alright, love?" His tone seemed impatient but generally curious.

"Predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course of events." Maura cited. She remembered citing it to Jane once in the morgue after a witness was murdered for a case. She hadn't recited the entire thin, she'd condensed it for the brunette's sake.

"I'm sorry?" The accented man smiled, truly confused but he didn't want to give it off to Maura. To her, he was the only man that ever understood her. But, if only she actually knew that a lot of the things she said somethings confused him.

"Destiny." She summed up, emptily. In her head all of the pieces were falling into place.

"Destiny." He echoed, his voice slightly emptier than hers. "What about it?"

"What is your take on destiny?" She looked at him.

"I...uh..." He thought for a moment. "I believe in it, yes. I believe destiny brought you here. I know you won't agree with me but, I believe that destiny brought you here to me. It was the only way it could happen, Maura. You didn't want to leave your job behind." That wasn't the only reason, but he didn't have to know that. "But, now you realise just how empty you are at that job. What it's done to you. What it's caused you to lose. Jane shooting your father made you so angry you left the country. And then, you came here to find yourself. To look for something to show you who you are – who you were, and you found me. The only other person who truly understands you."

"But what if this isn't my destiny?" Maura's eyes drifted to his, she searched for an answer. "What if I'm supposed to be there. Running into you was a surprise and even I have to admit that I can't ignore what reasons are behind that. But, what if this isn't the end for me? What if there's more?"

"Like what?" Ian took her hands, which had been wrapped around her body so tightly he was afraid she'd crush herself. "What could possibly be waiting for you back in Boston?"

Jane. "Okay, maybe I'm not supposed to go back to Boston." She admitted. "I could search for my mother."

"Maura, your mother is in her home, recovering." He looked her right in the eyes. Daring her to look away. "In London. Or one of her many homes throughout different countries."

"I can't believe I'm not there with her." Guilt painted her voice. She'd stayed with her mother until she hired someone to look after her until she was able to travel back home. She knew her mother would need hours and hours of physical therapy, but she needed to get away from Jane as soon as possible. Her mother encouraged her. Not because she disliked Jane but because she truly thought her daughter needed time to herself. Even Constance could see the emptiness in her daughter. An emptiness that hadn't been there before. Even though she hadn't truly known Maura the way she wanted to, she knew enough to know that the smile Maura faked for her wasn't genuine. Her daughter took care of her and she was grateful but she knew that there was something missing from her Maura. And she encouraged her to go find it.

"I need to go to my mother." She finally said after a long silence. A silence so deaf that she couldn't even hear the fire crackling. The animals sneaking around. "But, I need to go to Boston first."

"Why?" His discomfort with the idea was obvious on Maura but she ignored it. This had nothing to do with him.

"I need new clothes. I can't very well go home in this." She removed her hands from his to gesture at her body. "I also need to see Jane one last time. If I go to my mother, I don't know when I'll return. I don't know if I'll return." Ian nodded, knowing there was no persuading her to do otherwise. When Maura set her mind to something, the only way to change it was if she herself allowed your reasoning.


	6. Absence

_Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. - **Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) **_

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><p><em>Jane's POV.<em>

_Present Day._

Here we go again. Dr. Pike's incessant need to put everything in it's place as even more annoying than Stanley. At least for Stanley, it's apart of his job. Dr. Pike does it to annoy everyone else.

"What do we have here?" I asked him, crouching down to be able to look carefully and point easily. "I mean, what's that?" For a moment I forgot I don't have to remember that the medical examiner takes everything so literal. Although Dr. Pike isn't as socially awkward as Maura, he certainly isn't socially acceptable.

"Contusions on her neck shows that she was strangled before her death." He said, staring at my hands. I looked down at them. I'm wearing gloves.

"What's the problem?" I asked, growing tired of his staring. I could feel my scars starting to hurt.

"You are wearing a blue glove and a white glove." He stated. Yeah, well duh. They ran out of blue gloves when I got here.

"I'm sorry...?" I really wasn't sorry, I just wanted to continue on with this so that I can get started on actually finding out who killed this girl. If she was killed. "Maybe, she was strangled by this rope around her neck." I pointed out as I picked up the other end of the rope.

"Who hangs themselves outside, Jane?" Barry pointed out from above me. I looked up at him to see his face. He still looked like he was going to throw up. "It's kind of cruel, don't you think? A poor kid could've been walking by and saw her."

"Well if she was sad enough to kill herself, I'm betting she was sad enough to not care about who finds her." It was true. I always hated suicidal people for that one thing. They don't really think about the person who has to find them that way. I mean, I've been suicidal. Especially because of Hoyt. But, I never did it. Because I got help and because I was afraid that Ma would have to walk in and find me. God knows, I could never kill myself in a safe place. My apartment should be my sanctuary, but it's not. Ma would find me probably twenty minutes after I hang myself.

"Maybe." Barry squatted down next to me, studying the body. Good for him. "What?" He noticed my staring.

"I'm really proud of you." I could feel the smile plastered on my face. It was a genuine smile that I myself was surprised by. Ever since Maura left, I hadn't been really able to smile or laugh or be happy for that matter. But Barry, Frankie, and Vince all seemed to be able to make happy at one point or another. Most of the time it had something to do with work. "You can look at this body without gagging. You're losing mortality and becoming accustomed to the sight of death."

"Yeah, yeah." He mocked, focusing again on the body. "Look at her fingernails. They look like they've been scratching at something."

"Or someone." I brought one of her hands closer to me. "Is that skin?" I turned the hand to Dr. Pike, who'd been tidying up the garden we were in.

"Uh," He dropped the lily back where he'd picked it up. "Yeah."

"Well, we wouldn't really know that." I said, standing up. "You should probably bring it back to the lab to check."

"Detective, I've been doing this job for twenty years." Dr. Pike stood. "I think I can tell when there's skin under a victim's fingernails."

"I'm just saying," I backed up. I didn't want an argument. Especially not with the press only twenty feet away. "Dr. Isles-"

"I'm not Dr. Isles, detective!" He all but yelled.

"Dr. Isles," I tried again, completely giving up on holding my anger in. "Wouldn't assume. And neither should you. Considering you've been doing this job for twenty years and you've yet to be chief makes me believe that maybe you should follow some of her examples. Like not assuming." He sighed heavily but walked away.

"Can we get this body back to headquarters?" Barry had been silently assessing the body and I was grateful for that. At least one of us were still doing their job. "Look at you," He smiled. "I bet Doc would be glad to know that you've started to look at things as reddish brownish stains."

"_I_ can assume," I defended. "It's kind of my job to go off of leads or my gut feeling. But, even when I do that, I'd still like to know the information is correct."

"Whatever you say, Jane." He shook his head but followed me back to the cruiser.

"Anyways," I turned away from the reporters that were shouting my name. I hated that. "Do we have an ID on our victim?"

"Yeah," Barry had been putting his pen back in his coat. He pointed to a red-haired woman. She looked like she was Ma's age. She looked as crazy as Ma too. "She owns the place. Says this is a halfway house. This woman's sentence was going to be over in a week."

"What's her name?" I looked at the woman.

"Lady Perkins." He breathed. The victim didn't look like a Lady Perkins to me but who was I to judge? I was constantly called Rollie Pollie Rizzoli in school. If not that, then Jane Doe. For some reason, middle-schoolers thought it was hilariously clever.

"That's our victim's name?" I looked to Barry.

"Oh, no." He chuckled. "Keisha Anderson is our vic's name. The owner is Lady Perkins." That made more sense. "I asked her a few questions but I told her we might need more from her down at HQ."

"Yeah, you and Korsak can do that." I didn't want to be back at the station just yet. Ma would hassle me about eating. And she would make me eat something healthy just because Maura would recommend it. "I'll finish up here. Ask the rest of the housemates if they've noticed anything different. Ask the neighbors and stuff."

"Works. I'll catch a ride back with Dr. Pike." The words seemed resistant on his tongue. I fought back a smile. "See you later, partner."

"Good luck." I still tried not to laugh.

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><p>After questioning her neighbors, only because they were the easiest, I decided to question her housemates. Lady Perkins had been down at the precinct by now, so the girls and I were alone. Well, not completely. A few assistants for Lady Perkins kept an eye on us. Mostly an eye on them, to report back to Lady.<p>

The first person was Gail Sommers. "Did you notice anything different about Keisha?"

"Nope." Her answer was short. Simple. I noted that she was participating, but probably against her will. She knew that if she didn't answer my questions, she'd become primary suspect.

"Was there anyone in her life that could've done this?" I asked. "Did she hang around anyone that could've done this?"

Gail looked at me. "I guess anyone's capable of this, right?" She seemed offended at first but then shook it off.

"I'm not saying you did this. Everyone's a suspect until we rule them out. Or they can rule themselves out." I informed as politely as possible. "You and the other girls were closest to Keisha. I just figured you would know what was going on in her life."

"Nothing really." Gail shrugged. "I mean, she was doing good, ya know? Her and Tammy were working to get an apartment for someone they know that's still locked up. Man, Tammy is going to freak."

"Who's Tammy?" I could tell she was worried about something but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Tammy Whitaker is another housemate." The assistant closest to us informed. I turned to her and smiled but then turned back to Gail.

"She's the youngest of us all. So she's still kinda innocent, ya know?" Gail looked to me. I nodded. So she continued. "She been working really hard. Lady Perkins was letting her leave early."

"Where did she work?"

"Uh...she stocked things at Roberto's. She and Tammy both." She frowned.

"Thank you for your time." I tried to smile. "Can you send the next one in?" She nodded before leaving. The next woman was Kate Evers. "Hi, I just want to ask you some questions. You're not in trouble." This one seemed nervous when she sat down.

"Okay." She nodded, hesitantly. "What do you want to know?"

"Was there anyone new in Keisha's life?" I put my pen down.

"Not really." She shrugged. "She kept to herself. Well, she only really talked to Tammy. But other than that she kept to herself. She always did. Even when we were locked up together. She never talked to anyone."

"So, did she get along with everyone here? The guards, the staff, the other girls?" I had to clarify because I saw the confused look on her face.

"Yeah, like I said. She kept to herself."

"What about her family? Did she ever speak to them? Or speak of them – when she did speak, that is?"

"Yeah. She talks – talked – to her dad a lot." Kate frowned at her correction. "Actually," She looked at me. "A week ago, some man claiming to be her brother stopped by to see her but she was at work. When Lady Perkins yelled at her for having unwarranted visitors she said that she doesn't have any brothers."

"Did this man have a name?" I perked up.

"Yeah..." She thought for a moment. "Le'Andre. But he said to call him Lee."

"Thank you." I smiled at how easy this was going. "You can send the next one in." I said without looking up from my notepad. I noticed Victoria James occupy the seat. I scanned the notes before looking up at her. She seemed angry. Like she didn't want to be sitting there. I mentally made a note of making sure to ask the next one if she'd had a problem with Keisha.

"I'm not a snitch." Victoria stated. "So, I ain't talking."

"I'm just asking you a few questions about Keisha." I would definitely have to look into her relationship with Keisha. "What was she like?"

"Rude." She summed up. I gave her a look. "Look, she thought she was better than us. Always sucking up to Lady. Then when Tammy came around she was best friends with her. They went on and on about how they was going to make it out there. Don't nobody ever make it out there, ya hear? We just end up back here. I thought I was going to make it. I'm still here."

"Did she ever come in at late hours?" I asked, noting Victoria's attitude.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "Her and Tammy both. They claimed it was because of work." I was hearing a lot about Tammy and I hadn't even noticed her.

"Where is Tammy?" The other girls had mentioned her and even though I knew her by name, I didn't know her by face. She seemed like a primary suspect to me. I was Barry and Vince would come to the same conclusion if Lady noticed how close Keisha and Tammy had been.

"Work." Victoria shrugged. "She always workin'. Well that's what she say. I think she has a boyfriend or something."

"Thank you for your time." She wouldn't be of any help.

"Yup." She stood before I could say anything else to her. When the next woman came in, I heard my phone vibrating in my holster rather than feel it.

"Rizzoli," I already knew it Barry.

"We've interviewed Lady." I heard him say, but it was so loud wherever he was that it was hard to understand him. "Hold on, I need to get out of here." I silently agreed. When it was noticably quieter he began again. "Anyways, she mentioned Keisha being close with someone named Tammy Whitaker. Her prison sentence was four years for robbery. She took a plea bargain."

"I'm hearing a lot about this Tammy too," I grabbed my notepad. "I think we should pay her a visit."

"I'm with you there. I'll meet you at her job." He stopped for a moment. "Do you know where it is?"

"Yes." I nodded, although I knew he couldn't see me. I put my phone back in my holster then looked to the waiting woman. "I think we've gotten enough but if there's anything else that we need, I'll let you know." She nodded. This case seemed different. The last time I'd been involved in a case that had anything to do with ex-cons had been when I killed Hoyt. The only reason I killed him was because he threatened Maura. I would have just injured him and let the cancer do the rest, but I just couldn't take any chances. I couldn't let him hurt her any more than he already had. I caused her a lot of pain. I remember her telling me of the nightmares she had after that. I seemed to do that a lot. Hurt her. When I shot myself I hurt her. When Charles almost killed her – also when he tasered her then cut her with his scalpel. Shooting her biological father and ruining the chance of her ever finding her biological mother. I wonder if it was even possible for me to not hurt her. Guess I'll never know.

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><p><strong>AN: If it is confusing for some, the time pattern I mean, let me know. I was trying to catch up but I realized i'm just going to have to do that later in the story. I decided to answer some reviews because these people were nice enough to let me know their thoughts instead of just following the story. **

**From Dallas: its really interesting story until the last chapter (maura POV).. i for once want it for this story to be different than any other fic.. i mean most of the fic is fill with jane being blamed for everything... maybe for once they have to see that its not her fault and all the people close to her have to understand that... especially her own mother... i kind of hate that jane have to keep blaming herself... i think she should move on and be her self again... the proud and caring jane rizzoli... and start going out with somebody... you know maybe to make maura see what she had done to jane and all the thing that she will lose .. well thx for writting.. more please**

**To Dallas: In all fairness, she did kill Maura's biological father. But, I promise when Maura returns to Boston, she's not going to be angry. Just hurt. And I didn't mean for it to be full of blame for Jane. I just did what the show doesn't do. I spent time getting into their feelings. When something happens on the show they so easily get over it. I feel like Maura would be really pissed if Jane shot her father. I feel like that's why they had her go on a safari in the first place, you know? Because she's hurt. And it's completely normal to be hurt over something like that. But when she returns...well you'll see. :) I have good plans for these two.**

**From Pointspotdot: As i said earlier, i knew you'd give us some insight into Maura's too. And I'm very glad you did. I liked the way you handled the hiding of the feelings she does, and the conflict between love and hate when it comes to both Doyle and Jane.**

I'm very interested to find out where you will be taking these women, and how Tammy and Tre come in. I'll be a faithful reader (and I promise to keep reviewing!).

**To Pointspotdot: I'm glad you understand where I'm going with this! Also, I thought of killing Tammy but I think I'd like to keep her around a little longer. **

**From Renkhal: Lookin' good to me. I love all your stories. You're kickass man. Keep it up.**

**To Renkhal: Thanks for the review dude. **

**To the rest of you, I'm disappointed in you for not reviewing. Feedback is an author's best inspiration. How will I know if I'm doing good if you don't tell me? I hope I spark your interest enough with these last and next few chapters. Thanks for reading if you actually did. **


	7. Home

_**"Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen." - John le Carre (1931 - ), "The Chancellor Who Agreed To Play Spy", The New York Times, May 8, 1974**_

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><p>Nothing changed. At least physically. Maura expected to come to a bit of a difference in her home. Angela kept things just the way they were, with the occasion reorganizing of things in alphabetical order. When she opened the door to her home, she almost expected something along the lines of a gathering. Intrusion of some sort. Angela would be in the kitchen, idling her hands because her mind was too busy worrying about Jane or even Maura herself. Jane would be either at work or there watching ESPN and drinking a beer that she shouldn't be having while she's still on call for work. Frankie would be modeling after his older sister because that was what he did. Whatever Jane did, Frankie did. That raised hell when they were teenagers.<p>

The medical examiner took a moment to take in her home. She couldn't believe it'd been three months. Her memory never served her correctly.

"Excuse me, ma'am." The cab driver said, politely, from behind her. Maura moved aside so he could finish helping her carry her bags in. She put Bass down so he could rediscover his old home.

"Thank you." She tipped the cab driver way more than necessary. He thanked her in return then left. Now, she was alone with her thoughts. Her thoughts and a tortoise that was probably on an adventure to unearth the place. The worst part of it was that there was absolutely nothing for her to do. Technically, she was still on sabbatical so she couldn't really go back to work. And Angela did a great job of making sure to clean up behind herself so there wasn't anything for the doctor to clean. She was alone with her thoughts.

Shower. She thought. It suddenly seemed to be the most exciting thing at the moment so a shower was what she would do. She looked at her luggage. Most of it needed to be cleaned. That was also something else she could do when she was done with her shower. She walked the short trip to her bedroom. The vacancy was obvious. Everything had been where she'd left it. Her robe was still on her bed because she hadn't had time to put it back where it belonged. She had been in a rush to get to the precinct to say goodbye to everyone then get to the airport.

She took the robe in her hands. It smelled like her. She was discovering her former self in this room. Who she was before Patrick Doyle was killed. But, also who she was before her safari. She wasn't angry. She spent a lot of time thinking on her trip home. What Jane did was out of training. In Jane's defense, she did think that Maura wanted Doyle out of her life for good. But, it wasn't just that; it was that Patrick Doyle had a gun. He raised it. He pointed it. Jane wouldn't have been able to stop herself. There had been so many instances where Patrick had a gun pointed to Maura. He even had a gun pointed to her little brother, Tommy. All of the anger from that memory, all of the fear just washed ashore in her head. She didn't want to shoot him but she couldn't help but fear that this would be the time he pulled the trigger.

After dealing with the anger and coming the conclusion that if Jane hadn't done it, it would have been Barry. No matter what, he raised a gun to detectives. He was going to die that day. It took a little over twenty-four hours for Maura to come to that analysis. Something that she hoped she would've learned in the three months of her absence. Now, she was just hurt. Hurt that finding her mother won't be impossible just even more difficult. She was hurt that he was gone. The only person that could answer her questions about why she was so different from everyone else. Maura was so deep in thought and revelation that the knock on her bedroom door startled her.

"I'm sorry!" Angela was startled just as well when Maura yelped. "I...I saw your bags." She pointed to the living area. "Are you back?" The question was fully loaded like a gun. Each bullet had a different meaning to it. By 'are you back', Angela meant: are you still upset with Jane? Are you returning to work? How have you been? Where did you go? Please don't tell me you're leaving again? Did you go look for you biological mother? Did you find her?

"For the moment," The honey-blonde dropped the robe back where it had been reserved. "I'm staying for a week or so. I wanted some time to rest before I go to see my mother."

Angela smiled. "So, you found her?"

"Uh," Maura looked at the older woman with a look that said she had no idea what Angela was assuming. "Was she lost?"

The older woman laughed. "No," She shook her head. "I thought when you left...you went to go find your birth mother. So, when you said you were going to see her I thought that you found her."

"No." The doctor gave her a firm nod. "I did not search for her. Not consciously, at least. I searched for myself, really."

"How did that go?" And so the prying began. Jane's mother took a seat right on Maura's bed and patted the spot next to her, inviting her to sit down and begin talking.

Maura took the hint. "I ran into Ian." She paused for a moment, debating on if she should explain she had no plans on actually meeting with him. "He and I traveled together for a month. He actually convinced me to go see my mother."

"How is he?" Angela was still under the impression that Ian was an Australian spy. Maura never had the heart to correct her and Jane thought it wasn't any of her business. So both women agreed that whatever Angela assumed about Ian would be what they went along with.

"He's...fine." She couldn't really answer that truthfully. She settled for what she thought how he was. He had seemed fine. Physically, at least.

"Where did you go?" The questions, just the question from before had been loaded with other questions. A question that summed up all of her other questions and hopefully could answer them all. When Angela asked 'where did you go' what she meant was: Was it exotic? Did you try new things? Have sex with strange men? Was it a city? Town? Forest? But before the good doctor could respond, she heard someone open then close her front door. If she hadn't basically left the house to Angela for the last three months, she would've been terrified. Or offended.

"Ma?" The intruder called out. "Ma, where are you?"

"In here sweetheart." Angela turned to Maura. "We're not done talking. I want to hear all about your experience."

"Maura." The intruder was at her bedroom door now. "Wow, it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you as well, Tommy." The medical examiner stood with the older woman. "How have you been?" She was genuinely interested in how all of the Rizzoli's had been.

"You know..." He shrugged. "Good I guess."

"Well that's good." She smiled. "I guess." She noticed his blush in his cheeks. But, before she could comment on it, Angela was pulling him away from the room.

"The Doc has to get settled in." She excused. "She'll be joining us for dinner, don't you worry." Maura fought to keep back a smile. Just like that, she was accepted back into the family. It wasn't going to be easy to be around all of them but she was glad that all hope wasn't lost. Carrying on with her original plans, the honey-blonde showered. It was a long one. She would feel guilty for it later but it was something she needed. She hadn't had a proper shower in three months. She had wash offs and even baths in lakes and rivers but she hadn't had a real shower in three months. After her incredibly long shower, the doctor started assessing her laundry. When she'd arrived, it'd been noon. She was sure Angela was at work now, otherwise she would call the woman and ask her if she'd like to catch up while she did her laundry. She had nothing to do now. She mindlessly flipped through the television channels. When she passed ESPN, she briefly saw them speaking of the Celtics. She almost smiled but continued to flip mindlessly. Settling on the Food Network, she watched Rachel Ray instruct how to make Pollo e Pasta. At least, that was what Maura only could assume she'd been making. It involved pasta. And it involved chicken. She'd missed the first fifteen minutes of the show.

Time went by quickly. Soon after Rachel Ray, the doctor watched Paula Dean make an incredibly unhealthy but delicious looking meal. After Paula Dean, a few chefs she paid no mind to talked about their meals. It was rearing to four, and Maura found herself asleep on her couch. She hadn't realised she'd fallen asleep until she heard a dog bark. It startled her from her sleep. Joe Friday.

"I'm sorry she woke you." Angela ran her fingers through her hair. "Jane needed me to take her. She said her case just got really interesting."

Curiosity raced through her. "What's it about?" She questioned through a yawn. Surprisingly, Angela understood her. It might have been because of all the practice she had with her own three kids.

"Well, yesterday, a young woman was found." She grimaced at the thought. It was never easy for her to discuss cases. "Then today, another woman was found."

"How are the bodies related?" The doctor asked, stretching out her limbs.

"Oh, they both lived in the same halfway house." Angela looked at her watch. "I only came to drop Joe off. I have to get back to work. Would you like to come down to see everyone?"

Maura thought for a moment. She had nothing to actually do with her time now. She could only wait until Angela and the rest of the Rizzoli's returned for dinner. So, she nodded. A feeling in the pit of her stomach almost startled her. She was going to see Jane. After three months. She was going to see her best friend. Could she even consider Jane her best friend? Of course she could. Three months of distance couldn't destroy years of friendship. One day she would forgive Jane, but until that day arrived, she needed Jane just as much as she needed her before. Actually, she needed her more than she did before.

"So," They were in the car now. The silence had been killing Angela. Maura was actually comfortable with it. "Are you excited to see everyone again?"

The doctor smiled, briefly. She couldn't believe how truthfully she could answer this question and not feel bad about it. "Yes." It wasn't just Jane she was excited to see, because actually the feeling in her stomach made her believe she shouldn't see her. But, she was excited to see Barry and Vince. To see Frankie. To see her interns.

"Good. We all missed you so much." The sincerity was noted. "It's been hard for the detectives to even get a case solved without you. They have Dr. Pike. Once he was in the cafe, and I swear he and Stanley both were cleaning the place up!" Maura let out a shaky laugh. "But they don't just miss your work. They miss you. We all do. Even Jane." There it was again. That wave in her stomach.

"I have this feeling," She started, unsure of how she should explain it. "It's almost like a wave through my stomach. It happens every time you mention Jane. Or every time I think of her. The closer we get to the precinct, the more it happens."

"Butterflies?" Angela guessed with a grin. "Are you nervous about seeing her?" The medical examiner nodded. "Oh, honey. There's nothing to be nervous about. I mean, she's different. You'll notice that when you look at her. But, she's not going to bite your head off or anything." Angela's words didn't bring any ease to the doctor. It wasn't because they didn't help, it was before Maura could respond she noticed Angela entering the precinct garage. The waved rolled then landed once more but another one built up when Angela parked the car.

A few detectives and officers noticed Maura walking from the car. She smiled at them when they welcomed her back. She didn't care enough to tell them that she wasn't officially back yet.

"You're five minutes late, Rizzoli!" Stanley yelled to Angela when they entered the cafe. If looks could kill, Maura wasn't sure who'd be dead by now. Angela or Stanley.

"I'm sorry, sir." She muttered through her clenched teeth. She pulled her apron over her head but decided not to tie it just yet. "Can I get you anything?"

"A coffee would be nice." The doctor tried to stifle a yawn. "I'm still really tired from the trip."

"I'm surprised you don't have jet lag." The older woman smiled as she poured the coffee into a mug.

"Doc?" Maura heard from behind her. "Dr. Maura Isles?" It was Vince. She could tell by the age in his voice. "Boy, is it good to see you!"

She turned around to accept his hug. "It's good to see you too, Vince." She smiled at him. "How are you?" She knew she was in for a lot of pleasantries today. A lot of How Are You's and How Have You Been's.

"A lot better now, I'll tell you that!" Vince smiled. "Does Janie know you're here? I'll go get her!" He pulled away.

Another wave. She pulled on his arm to stop him. "Maybe we shouldn't distract her from her job."

"She could use a distraction." The older man mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"It's just..." He knew he had to explain now. Jane would kill him later. "Ever since, you know, she's been feeling really guilty. She distracts herself from her feelings by working. She works us a lot harder too. I mean, don't get me wrong, this new found determination is great for the cases. But sometimes you need a break. The only break she gets is if she sleeps. That's, you know, _if _she sleeps."

Maura looked to Angela then back to Vince. "She's not sleeping well?"

Both of them shook their heads. "Not really." Vince said. "Like I said, she's feeling real guilty Doc. I think you could talk to her, you know? Maybe if you tell her it wasn't her fault, then maybe she could stop feeling sorry for herself. Then she'll stop working us so hard." The doctor felt her heart break for Jane. She never really thought of how all of those would affect the detective. To be honest, she really only thought of herself. But, how could she talk to Jane? She couldn't lie to her and tell she didn't blame her for everything that happened. Even if she didn't want to blame her. Even though she wanted to forgive Jane, she couldn't lie to her and tell she has already when she knows and Jane would know that she hasn't.

"I'll see what I can do." The honey-blonde gave a firm nod.

"Thanks Doc!" His face lit up. It made her feel even more guilty. What if whatever she told Jane didn't work? She would feel like she failed him. "I gotta go but I'll see you around, yeah?"

"For a week, maybe." She tried to get out before he left. He was already gone by the time she got to the last word. Angela nudged at her side.

"Here." She handed the coffee to the younger woman. "You're definitely going to need this. These men are like little boys when it comes to you. Barry is going to be ten times worse."

"How do you think Jane will be?" This was a question that Angela herself couldn't answer. Normally when Maura came around, Jane was always excited. But, after disappearing for three months and three months of guilt, no one was able to guess the reaction from the detective. No one really wanted to guess what reaction was to come. They all feared it.

While Maura and Angela caught up – and Maura tried to keep the attention focused on the older woman – Jane had been down in the morgue with Dr. Pike. Bored to death the notes he'd been going over. She asked a simple question: What was the time of death? The man decided to recite the entire file to her.

"Detective," He said, stopping momentarily after she heaved a heavy sigh. "Could you not sit on my equipment?" She'd been swinging her legs and keeping her patience under wraps as she sat on the other autopsy table across from him. She couldn't help but think that Maura never cared where she sat. Maura. The detective's heart fluttered again at the thought of her best friend. Earlier in the morning, when she'd woken up, she wrote another letter to her. A letter she would never be able to send. Not because she didn't want to but because she had no idea where Maura was. She didn't even know if Maura was alive. She'd quickly vanished that thought from her mind, but not before it brought tears to her eyes.

"Sorry," She slid off the table, not having to land too far to the ground.

"You're not going to believe this," Barry said from the entrance of the morgue. "We have _another _body."

"We've lost Keisha and Gail." Jane sighed. "Who else?" Stomping behind her partner. She didn't even feel bad about walking out on Dr. Pike as he was talking.

"Victoria." He turned after pressing the button for the elevator. "Korsak wanted me to meet him in the lab but that's when he got the call."

"Where was she found?" The brunette questioned, disbelivevingly. She didn't know how the perp was getting to all of these women but she knew they had to act fast to protect the rest. When Barry gave her a look, she realised she already knew the answer to her question. "The house?"

He nodded. "She was found in the shower."

"This has to be an inside job." She walked into the elevator. "How could anyone get into the house without someone noticing? Did you get the results for the background check for all of the staff?"

"I got the guards, I'm still waiting for the housecleaning and others." He looked down to his feet. "Uh, Korak told me something. I'm not sure if he was just screwing with me or if it's true..."

"What did he tell you?" She looked at him. "If it's something about dead bodies, I swear to God I'm going to punch that man. He needs to stop hassling you. Just because you're not entirely comfortable around dead bodies doesn't make you any less of a good detective than me or him." Her rambling had filled most of the elevator ride. So when Barry was ready to reveal what Vince had really said, it was too late. The elevator doors opened. There she was. Maura Isles. Getting ready to go down to the morgue. At first, Jane had thought her mind were playing tricks on her so she didn't take it seriously. But, she looked back at Maura again.

"Jane." Maura's voice was soft. A lot softer than Jane remembered. She looked tanner. She lacked make-up but she was still breathtakingly beautiful.

"M-Maura..." The detective was at a loss for words. When she stepped out of the elevator, she fought the urge to touch the woman to see if she was real. "What are you doing here?"

"Son of a gun, he wasn't lying." Barry's face was taken over by a grin that stretched from earlobe to earlobe. "Are you back?" He asked, pulling the doctor into a hug. "It's so good to see you're alive."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Maura asked, disregarding their questions.

"You've been gone so long without a word, Doc." He was oblivious to her tone. "So, are you back? Of course you're back. It's so nice to see you!" His smile was firm, proving it wasn't going anywhere any time soon. "I bet you were going down there to tell Dr. Pike to take a hike, huh? Well, Jane and I can give you a ride to the crime scene."

"Actually," The medical examiner started but she was interrupted by her eyes. She'd glanced at Jane. The brunette was skinnier than she remembered. Unhealthily skinny. The bags under her eyes proved Angela and Vince right, Jane hadn't been getting any sleep. Her hair was pulled lazily into a ponytail.

"We should get going." Barry said, suddenly. Jane looked at him, he'd been the one holding them up. But, far behind Barry had been their Lieutenant. She nodded, although she wanted nothing more than to talk to Maura. To apologise for everything.

"I'll see you tonight, Jane." The doctor turned to press the button for the elevator.

"Tonight?" She asked, while Barry pulled at her arm.

"What are you still doing here?" Lieutenant Cavanaugh asked. "Rizzoli, there better be a good ass reason why you're not rushing over to that halfway house." He hadn't noticed Maura yet and Jane was kind of glad for that.

"Sorry, Loo." She sighed. She stalked off with Barry. But she couldn't shake those words from Maura. Tonight? When did she plan on seeing Maura tonight? There was Angela's Sunday dinner but she never went to those anymore. She never felt like she belonged anymore. Did Maura think she would see Jane there? Did that mean now she had to go because of Maura's expectations? All of this confused Jane to no bounds. She sighed again before getting into detective mode. Now her attention belonged to her latest victim. Victoria.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks so much for the reviews and personal messages to keep me writing. I forgot to address that. If you haven't received a reply from me it's because you rendered me speechless. Anyways, I thought I'd answer a review or two. **

**From Chesteroonie: I want to be hanging on every word, but I'm not. So much info about characters we don't know nor care about, I hope it picks up soon and gets rollin.**

**To Chesteroonie: I know it starts off a bit slow. The next few chapters will definitely start to pick up since the two are back in each other's lives and such. I'll definitely start transforming them into Rizzles soon. **

**From Dallas: hi... its me again.. thx for updating and replying my review... well sounds like you have everything planed for us already... i trust you with this story to be absolutely good.. oh i have a question... even though it was an accident for maura to run into ian.. but there is nothing going on with them right? sort of like just friend? (not with benefit though hahhahaha)... well keep writing.. cant wait for the next chapter...**

**To Dallas: No, there's nothing going on with Maura and Ian. I will bring him back but there is definitely going on with them. **

**From Unzipme: Just found your story and wanted to let you know i love it so far! I really like it all - please continue!**

**To Unzipme: Thank you! I love the support. **

**So, here's where the story actually starts to pick up and I get the ball rolling with the two. Thanks for sticking with me. Also, if you're an Experiences reader, I posted a new chapter! I'll post my new chapter of Cold Wind as soon as I get on again tomorrow. **


	8. Truth

**I know you guys don't like it when I talk about the case but it's the only way it'll make sense for me to put Jane in prison undercover. So deal with it. If you don't like it then just stop reading. Like a reviewer said, I rushed the deaths of the other two women. Meaning I had to rush everything else. So, I'm going to go at the pace I wanted to go at with you guys in mind, though. I _will_ talk about the case because it is important to the story but I will not focus on it too much because Rizzles is a big part of it too. Originally when I thought of the story, I wasn't going to do Rizzles. But, I decided to because I'm a huge Rizzles fan. So, either you guys can take it this way or I can just give up. I don't mean to sound rude. I'm just really not sure how else to get my point across. **

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><p>Jane climbed out of her cruiser, already pissed off with the son of bitch that has managed to kill three women in one weekend, but to make it worse, he had to pull her away from Maura. The first time she'd seen Maura in three months. How it was possible, she was unsure. They had cruisers running the block. They had a cruiser in the driveway! It had to be a inside job. Jane was sure of it.<p>

"Is Dr. Pike here yet?" Jane asked Barry as they entered the house. She was snapping on her gloves already. The right ones, with the same colour just so that Dr. Pike wouldn't harass her about it later.

"I think so. I think I heard his phone ringin' when left the morgue." He scratched at the back of his neck. "Plus, he had a head start on us. With Maura blindsiding us." She could swear she felt her stomach and heart both do a flip. "I can't believe she's back."

"Yeah," Jane crouched to look at the crime scene more carefully. Dr. Pike hadn't arrived yet. Maura probably held him up unintentionally. "What the hell was she talking about earlier? Seeing me tonight?"

"Dunno." Barry shrugged. "She sure seemed excited to see you, though." He winked, nudging his partner with his knee to her back. Jane almost fell over, but she caught herself on her hands. If Barry noticed he didn't let on about it. He probably felt bad.

"I never saw a smile on her face." The brunette noticed, noticing that the victim's clothes were scattered on the floor. There hadn't been any new ones for her to put on. There hadn't even been a towel waiting for her when she got out.

"Hmm," He took this into inconsideration. "Maybe she's just tired. I wonder where she went off to."

"My guess is she left the country." Jane shrugged. "I...I never saw any activity on her credit cards within the United States. She withdrew a large lump-sum of money but after that all of her accounts went inactive."

"You checked up on her?" That hadn't been the way he wanted to ask the question. His original question was: you investigated her? But he knew she would get defensive so he tried to ask it as nicely as possible.

Her face fell. "Every damn day." She stood when Dr. Pike entered the bathroom. "Glad you could finally make it." She greeted with sarcasm.

"You could blame your BFF for that." He knelt beside the tub, his irritation wasn't lost on Jane or Barry. "She came in my office. She was messing with everything. I finally put everything in its place and she ruined it!"

"Technically it's still her office." Barry pointed out, quietly. "She's still the chief medical examiner."

"But she's on sabbatical." Dr. Pike snapped. "She left all of her duties to me."

"I'll never understand why." Jane rolled her shoulders, trying to get rid of her tension. "Let's focus on this vic. Can you tell me anything?"

"Like the other two, she died of asphyxiation." The medical examiner looked at the victim's neck more closely. "But, we won't know that officially until a full body autopsy is performed." He said bitterly for Jane's benefit.

She smiled at his statement. Just like Maura used to say. "What can you tell me?" She asked, looking around the bathroom. Barry was busy trying not to stare too much at the naked body. No one really liked to look at a naked dead person. Even medical examiners.

"No assumptions can be made at this moment." Dr. Pike pressed. Jane shrugged. Exactly like Maura used to say. She picked up the bar of soap then ran her gloved finger across it.

"This is dry." She stated, shoving the bar of soap in her partner's direction. "The entire tub is dry. There's no condensation on the mirror. There's no proof there someone ever took a shower or bath in here." She pointed to the floor. "Look, her clothes are scattered. Not like she stood in one place to take them off. They're all over the place. And there's no new clothes or even a towel."

"This definitely wasn't an accident." Barry nodded.

"Let's take the remaining women into custody." Jane told him. "I don't know if I should be protecting them or questioning them."

"Yeah, hold on." The dark man pulled his phone to his ear. "Frost." He stated. While he listened to the person the other end, Jane continued walking around the bathroom. She couldn't help but think of how much easier this job would be if Maura had been there. Maura made things better for Jane just by being there. So, when she left, Jane felt her world fall apart. Her job became her main priority but without Maura, her job became the most stressful thing in her life.

"Tammy Whitaker is missing." Barry said, putting his phone back in his holster. "Korsak had the same idea as you. To get all of the remaining women into custody. So, he called her job. She didn't come into work today. According to Lady, Tammy said she was going to work."

"Okay..." She rolled her shoulders again. "Okay, let's make sure we have a BOLO out on her, okay? I want patrol around her job and this place. We'll take the other girls back to headquarters. Someone in this house is hiding something."

"Detective, I told you everything I know." Kate said through her clenched teeth. "Tammy said she was going to work. She ain't been home all day. I was in my room all day."

"So, how would you know she hadn't been home all day?" Jane countered. The woman in front of her just groaned and leaned back in her seat. "Okay, well until you're ready to give me something to work with, you'll just sit here." She said before standing. She left without another word. When she reached the bullpen, she noticed the whiteboard out. Barry and Vince were staring at it like it they were waiting for it to do a magic trick.

"Has the board started talking in tongue or something?" She asked, sneaking up behind them. Both men turned to her and glared. "Frost, where did all of these women go to prison?" She now stared at the board, waiting for the magic to happen. But the magic she'd been waiting for was for everything to click in place. She had one hand on her hip and the other cupped around the back of her neck.

"Wood Creek Correctional for Women." He said after a few moments of typing. "All of our victims went there."

"Now check the background for the guards." Her words were now muffled by her hand that had been cupping her chin. Barry typed away while the other detectives waited.

"We have four guards that worked there. They work the day shift." He paused for a moment, letting the computer load. "Okay, Whitney Massings, Thomas Dillion, Amy Jo Martella, and Robert Hall."

"Can you get those four down here for questioning?" She asked Vince. He nodded and walked away to go do the job asked of him. "One of these four are connected."

"Or all of them." He turned the computer monitor to her. "They all have filed complaints with all three victims. Actually they have complaints with all of the women except Tammy Whitaker."

"So, they get along with the one that's gone out of the blue?" She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, incessantly. It always helped her figure things out in her head. "Check their backgrounds. See why they left Wood Creek."

"On it." He nodded, pulling the monitor back to him. "Hey, Loo."

"Hi." Lt. Cavanaugh gave a small smile. "Good to see you actually doing your job, Rizzoli." He commented, taking the spot next to her. "What do we have so far?" _We? I don't remember you doing anything to help this case other than ride me constantly about it._ She kept her thoughts to herself because she knew they were unprofessional and would probably get her fired.

"All of the inmates went to Wood Creek Correctional for Women." She started, nibbling on her thumbnail. "We have four guards who worked there prior. One of our inmates is M.I.A."

"Huh," He huffed. "Guess you should look into that."

"I am." Barry said from his desk. "I think I've found something." He turned the monitor back to Jane. "Thomas Dillion was fired due to too many sexual harassment claims from the other guards."

"What else?" She looked over her shoulder at the elevator. She heard it ding and felt her heart jump. If it was Maura, then there went her focus on the case flying out the window. Thankfully it was just a uniform bringing something to another detective in the pen.

"He only started working for Lady Perkins two months ago." Lt. Cavanaugh stated, staring down at the screen. "Wait a minute, did you say Wood Creek Correctional?" Jane nodded. "Detective Stevens!" He called across the bullpen. A bald man popped his head up over his computer monitor.

"Yes, Loo?" He called.

"That case that went cold of yours," Lt. Cavanaugh waved him over. "About the inmates being stabbed to death. How long ago was that?"

"Three months, sir." Detective Stevens answered. "Three months since it went cold."

"Where was it?" The lieutenant asked.

"Uh, Wood Creek Correctional, sir." Det. Stevens was obviously confused. "Are we opening that case back up?"

"I think we might have." Barry said, looking to Jane. "Around the time the killings stopped was when Tammy Whitaker left. It looks like all of the guards were fired around the same time. Within the same two months of each other."

"Then hired by Lady Perkins." Jane said, mindlessly. She didn't realise she'd said the words aloud. "This all can't be a coincidence."

"I don't believe in those, detective." Lt. Cavanaugh stated. "Especially not in homicide cases. Frost, I want you and Korsak down at the place in the morning. Rizzoli, I want you questioning these guards and keep an eye out for Tammy Whitaker. Stevens, I'm reopening that case. I want you going over the files again."

"Yes, Lieutenant." All detectives nodded as they watched their superior leave.

"I'm going to get some coffee." She turned to Det. Stevens. "You want some?" She already knew they had a long night ahead of them so she already knew that Barry would need some coffee just as much as she needed some.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Two sugars. Thanks." He said over his shoulder she walked away. Every step was like a barrier for her to turn around. She feared running into Maura again. It was weird to see the honey-blonde without a smile. But, it was all Jane was left with when the doctor had left. She also feared her mother asking her if she'd seen the medical examiner. She was afraid of saying yes, but she knew that if she lied, it would only construct a wave of questions for later. Saying yes meant that there was a loaded gun of questions waiting for her now.

"Hey, Janie." Angela called from behind the counter of the cafe. "What can I do for you?"

"Yeah, Ma," Jane pounded the side of her right fist into her left palm. She clucked her tongue. "Frost and I will have our usual. And I want a black coffee."

"Okay, sweetie." While Angela prepared the coffee, the detective nervously tapped her fingers against the counter.

"Where is she, Ma?" She finally whispered, so low that if the older woman hadn't stopped pouring the coffee in time she would've missed it.

"I'm not sure." Angela shrugged. "I gave her a ride here but she kind of went off on her own. I haven't seen her since you guys got back."

"Did she take a cab home?" Angela could tell how nervous Jane was to talk about her best friend. She did the nervous ritual that always gave her away. First, the twirl of a finger in her hair. Then the nibbling of her thumbnail. Shifting her weight constantly. Then all three at once. She was at stage four now.

"Possibly," The older woman shrugged.

"She said she would see me tonight," Jane was unsure if she should confide in her mother for this. She had no one else. Maura was only close to Angela now. This was where she could get the answers to her questions since she couldn't very well go to the doctor herself now. "What did she mean by that?"

"She probably thinks you're coming to dinner." Angela put the coffees in a tray then pushed them to her daughter. "It would be nice to see you outside of work, though."

"Yeah," The detective pulled out her phone. "That would be nice." She mindlessly answered while reading a text message from her sergeant. _I have Whitney Massings here for questioning. Better come quick, she's a feisty one. _

"Is that the job?" Angela asked, peeking over the counter to try to read what caught her daughter's attention. Jane only nodded. "Don't take too long. I know you're not into it anymore but we would love to see you for dinner tonight."

"I'll see what I can do," The brunette grabbed the tray then bolted. "Hey, you!" She called to Frankie, who'd been getting into the elevator. "I have to go to interrogation. Get these to Frost and Det. Stevens."

"Have you seen Maura, yet?" Frankie asked, ignoring his sisters requests but taking the tray anyway. "She's looking for you."

"I saw her earlier today." The detective mumbled.

"I just saw her twenty minutes ago." They both stepped into the elevator. "She's looking for you now."

"Okay." Another jump of her heart. She brunette cleared her throat to hopefully settle the jumping heart but it was to no avail. She sighed then pushed the elevator button with more force than necessary. Leave it to Maura Isles to make her completely willing to skip out on an interrogation. To be honest, other than catching the bad guys, that was one of Jane's favorite part of investigations. It was definitely at the top of her list.

"Hey," Vince waved. "Where are you going?" He called when Jane started to walk the opposite way of him. "She's this way!"

"I know, have Frost do it with you." She pondered if she should lie or not. "Maura wants to see me."

Vince's attitude changed. "Okay!" He smiled. He hoped it was about what he and the doc discussed earlier. "Yeah, you go! Newbie! Come with me!"

"What's my actual name, Korsak?" Barry called from his desk. "I'll come if you can remember my actual name."

"Freeze?" Vince joked. When he heard Barry sigh he laughed to himself. "Frost, get your butt over here."

"Alright, alright." The dark man glared from a distance. Jane had been getting her blazer, because she wasn't sure where Maura was or why she would be looking for her. She wanted to be prepared for the cold outside if she had to go in it.

"Did she say where she was waiting, Frankie?" She looked over to her brother, who'd been giving Detective Stevens his coffee. She could hear him complaining about the lack of his two sugars. If there hadn't been more pressing issues, she might have actually apologized or chewed him out for it.

"Yeah, she said she'll be waiting at the Robber." Frankie called over his shoulder, secretly stealing his sisters coffee. He smiled when he thought he got away with it.

"I know you have my coffee, Frankie." She said behind him. She reached around him to press the elevator button. "I don't think tonight's going to be so long anymore."

"Mmm." He milked enjoying the coffee. "Ma always makes the best."

"Did she seem pissed?" Stage one of her nervous ritual. Finger twirling in her hair.

"Not really," He shrugged. "Kinda sad. Ma said she's been quiet."

"Huh." Stage two. Thumbnail nibbling. When the elevator doors opened, Jane all but flew from them. "I'll be down at the Robber if anyone needs me." She called out. Mostly it was to anyone who could hear her. No one in particular. The walk to the Dirty Robber was longer than Jane remembered. She's made that walk a lot of times. She wasn't sure why she walked this time, though. She figured she could use the fresh air to clear her head and stop her heart from pounding erratically in her chest. But with every step, she only fought the urge to turn around and go back to the station.

She could see Maura sitting at the booth they used to occupy together. It was the booth she'd made Maura try beer for the first time. The booth Frankie had forgiven her in when she ran a DNA test on his 'daughter'. It was the booth when Constance Isles decided to become closer to her daughter thanks to Jane herself. There were so many memories in that booth. Maura had to know what she was doing when she sat there. Jane watched her for what felt like hours but it couldn't have really been more than a minute. Then, after another scan of the bar, Maura looked outside. She noticed Jane watching her, but for some reason it didn't register to Jane just yet. She watched her for another twenty seconds before completing the last steps to the door.

"Hi." Her voice was quiet when she reached the booth. "Frankie told me you were looking for me."

"Sit, Jane." Maura demanded. Her voice was soft but firm. _Just like Maura_. Jane wanted to smile. Although she herself had been changing so much, it was nice to see that the only thing that changed about Maura was the coloring of her skin. So it seemed.

"Okay." She slid into her usual side of the booth. "So, what's this about?" She noticed the beer waiting for her. "Thanks." She smiled, slightly.

"I figured you could use it." Maura nodded. "Angela told me about your case."

"Yeah." The detective sighed. "You look...different." She waved her hand in the doctor's direction to emphasize. "Tan. I assume wherever you went was around a lot of sun."

"I could have just frequented my time outdoors." The medical examiner countered. "But you know what I always say about assumptions, Jane."

"Did you?" Jane's words were quiet. This was the first time she ever feared Maura Isles. It wasn't the kind of fear that was life-threatening. It was the kind of fear that had her worrying if this was the end of their friendship. If they even had a friendship, still. She was intimidated by the doctor. She was intimidated because she knew that she hurt Maura and whatever decision the doctor came to could change her life. She felt so little next to this woman. It had nothing to do with the way Maura looked at her. It had everything to do with the guilt she's felt. The things she's done to make sure that she never hurts Maura ever again. Countless hours of therapy to work on her 'attitude' and 'verbal abuse'.

"I suppose I did, so to speak." The honey-blonde nodded. "I'm worried about you."

"Why?" The brunette didn't mean for the question so come out so fast or sharp. "I mean, I've been fine."

"Jane," Maura fought the urge to reach for her friend's hands. "You've lost weight. You've given up on wearing make-up."

"Never wore much before, anyway." The detective interjected.

The honey-blonde cleared her throat. "Your hair is a mess. You look tired."

"Yeah, I'm tired." Jane's tone was mentally noted by Maura. Irritability. "I've been working cases non-stop. I haven't gotten any sleep."

"Detective Frost is your partner." Maura stated. "Sergeant Korsak is also your partner."

"Yes." This was not how she imagined this conversation to go down. They weren't even discussing what happened between them. "And my name is Jane. Your name is Maura. Ma is annoyingly observant. Frankie is a police officer. Joe is a dog. Pop is a plumber."

The medical examiner ignored her friend's attitude and decided to just continue with her original point. "They don't look as bad as you, Jane." She picked up her keys and fiddled with them. Something she never really did before she met Jane. "They've been working the same cases as you. But, they look well rested. They look alert. I'm afraid at any moment you will pass out. Angela and Vince are worried about you. They wanted me to talk to you."

"I'm fine, Maura." Jane snapped, pulling herself from the booth. Suddenly feeling betrayed by her sergeant and mother. "I thought when Frankie told me you wanted to talk to me it would be something important."

"Your health _is_ important, Jane." Maura said from her seat.

"Whatever." The brunette was gone before Maura could come back with something, to get her friend to sit back down. _Well, I tried._ She sighed and dropped her head. Getting through to Jane was proving to be even more difficult now with the three month absence weighing over their heads. She didn't know what else she could try. She used to have an arsenal on how to get Jane to do what she wanted. Normally, she spewed facts so fast that it confused the hell out of the detective. Or she would use big words to describe little things that would make Jane fear if Maura didn't check out whatever the hell she was talking about, she would have to start writing her Will.

On her way back to the precinct, the detective kicked multiple rocks, angrily. She felt stupid. She couldn't pinpoint how she thought that conversation would go down but she didn't think it would be about her Ma or Vince telling the big bad boss doctor on her. She kicked at another rock. She only hoped that Maura could tell her she forgave her but that was a long shot. Jane didn't see any hint of forgiveness in Maura's eyes. She saw sadness. She saw what never she thought she'd see when the doctor looked at her. Pain.

Both women sighed in frustration, although they were far apart. Their minds were set on one another. Their thoughts followed the other. When Jane returned to the precinct, she went straight into the cold case with Detective Stevens because she didn't want to take her frustration out on Vince. It would be unprofessional. But, as soon as she was off the clock; he was dead to her. What happened in her personal life was just_ that_. _Her personal life_. If she didn't want to sleep or eat then that was up to her. He didn't have to go tell on her to Maura as soon as she got home from wherever the hell she'd gone. Jane only hoped her mother didn't bother her for the rest of the night. She was definitely not going to be joining them for dinner. Maura on the other hand unlike Jane didn't dive into her work to get her mind off of her worries and stresses. Instead, she called a cab then went home. She knew Angela would be home soon so she started with dinner. It felt good to cook in a kitchen for once. She never knew how much she missed her home, how much she missed her life until she walked away from it all and returned to it all. Joe Friday padded the floor to her and greeted her with a series of barks.

"Okay, okay." The doctor gave up and picked the small dog up. "I missed you too." She smiled, inhaling the scent of the small dog. She smelled like herself and Jane's apartment. "Are you worried about her too?" Joe barked. "Everyone else seems to be."

"Are you talking to a dog?" Frankie asked, startling the doctor. She carefully put Joe Friday down before she assessed her breathing. "Sorry, I knocked."

"I didn't hear it." She turned to the boiling water on the stove. There wasn't much do with it so she just stared at it. "Yes, I was talking to her."

"Welcome to the insane side of the force, Doc." The younger man smiled. "I got here to see if Jane would be here. Ma said she might make it. I wanted to watch the Celtics game with her."

"I don't think she'll be making it." The honey-blonde frowned. "She's very upset with me."

"You?" Disbelief and disappointment colored his words. "She killed your dad!"

"Frankie." Maura's voice was firm. She would not allow Jane's family to turn on her for something that was between just them. "Out of respect for her, I would appreciate it if we didn't talk about what she did or didn't do that day."

"You're right." He frowned. He knew that what Jane did was somehow the right and wrong thing. As a cop, it was the right thing. As Maura's best friend, it was the wrong thing. He wasn't sure which side he was on. Law enforcement or plain ol' Frankie Rizzoli who had saw things practically and realistically. Either way, he should have been backing his sister up. He felt bad for Maura but he took his sister's side. And he still did but he couldn't help but wonder about the things his sister could've done differently.

"Would you like to help me with dinner?" She asked, changing the subject. He was more than willing. The younger man shrugged out of his wet jacket.

"Sure." He smiled. "Hey, maybe Ma will talk Jane into coming."

"Maybe." Maura had no hope but she wouldn't ruin Frankie's. She frowned, pulling the ingredients out of her refrigerator. She handed the other vegetables to Frankie but kept the onions for herself. This would give her the perfect excuse to cry. She knew she could save it until later, until everyone was gone and it was just her and her thoughts. But, she needed to cry now. Frankie never questioned if she was crying from the onions or if she'd been crying for her friend. It never crossed his mind as odd. Just like the medical examiner had planned.

"Can we call it a night, Rizzoli?" Detective Stevens asked through a groan. "I'm tired. I already missed my wife's dinner. I promised her I'd be home for it. She's raging a storm in Boston right now."

"I told you, you can go home whenever you want." She said without looking up from the case file in front of her. She didn't need his help to read.

"But this was my case." He defended. "I wouldn't feel right just handing it over to you."

"You're not." She shrugged. "It's still your case. I'm just reading over it for _my_ case."

"Jane Rizzoli." Angela called from the elevators. "I thought you were coming to dinner?"

"There goes storm number two." Whispered Det. Stevens, absolutely amused by the older woman's tone. Jane glared at him before looking up to her mother.

"Maura prepared dinner. She's waiting for you and I." Angela was at her daughter's desk now. "We shouldn't keep her waiting any longer. Tommy's even there, Janie. It's her first day back. Please don't be difficult. Please?"

"I have work, Ma." The detective tried to keep her voice calm. She was trying to be patient with her mother. Angela thought any excuse was a good excuse for Jane to skip out on her work.

"So?" The older woman gestured her hand to Det. Stevens. "I'm sure this young man would love to get home to his wife." She had noticed the ring on his finger long ago when she thought about setting him up with Jane.

"I would." Det. Stevens agreed with the nod of his head. "I keep telling her we should just give it up. Even her partners went home."

"See," Angela sat her purse down right on the file Jane had been trying to use to tune her mother out. "Let's just go."

"You. Go." Jane turned to Jason Stevens. Without another word the man left. He didn't question it because he knew that look. That look was mastered by every woman in history of mankind. It told him that if he didn't do what she said then one day he would be eating his balls for lunch. When the detective grabbed his blazer from his seat, he was to the elevators in moments.

"Are we going?" Angela questioned, taking the seat the detective had just occupied.

"You have no right to do that!" Jane's voice was rough. Like she'd been recovering from a bad cough. "You're too nosey, Ma. Seriously. It's starting to bother me. No, actually, it's been bothering me since I could walk. All you do is pry into my life. First telling Maura that you're '_worried_' about me. If you were so concerned about my health then you would have the _decency_ to talk to me about it rather shun me for something that I didn't even do to you! What happened between Maura and I is our business. It's not Frankie's. It's not Tommy's. It's not the department's and it's definitely not _yours_. You can't just expect us to be best friends again. I _killed_ her _father_, Ma. So, excuse me for not joining you guys for dinner. She doesn't want anything to do with me! The only reason she talked to me was because you and Vince probably ambushed her into doing it! You know she can't say no to you two! Or anyone for that matter. She hates me, Ma. She ran away from me. She left her job behind. Her life behind. Just to get away from me! What makes you think she wants to just all of a sudden have _dinner_ with me because she's returned? She can't even look me in the eye." Tears spilled from her eyes. Tears that she'd kept under control when she was at work. Tears she only shed in the privacy of her apartment. Angela had never seen her daughter cry like this. Not when Charles Hoyt was after her. Not when she thought Frankie was going to die. Never.

"Jane..." She was at a loss for words for her daughter. The detective was pacing the room now, her fingers tangled in her hair as she let the tears soak her shirt. "I'm so sorry." She stood to go hold her daughter like she used to.

"Don't touch me!" The brunette pulled away. "I...I..." She didn't finish her sentence. She just grabbed her blazer and left the bullpen. Angela called after her daughter but the brunette kept walking away. She avoided stopping by taking the stairs. She never once looked back. She never once stopped.


	9. Protection

_**"Liberty, equality - bad principles! The only true principle for humanity is justice; and justice to the feeble is protection and kindness." - Henri-Frédéric Amiel**_

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><p>The next morning started just like every morning started for Jane since Maura left. She walked around her apartment, putting things in their rightful places. She made herself a small breakfast. She went for a run, if Joe had been there she would've taken her for a run too. When she returned, she showered then made herself coffee. She sat at her dining room table and wrote another letter to Maura. Explaining how sorry she was. How much she wished she could take it all back. How she wished she was as smart as the doctor so that she could crack the space time continuum code. Then, she put the letter in an envelope. Addressed it to Maura just by name but tucked it away in a box in her closet. She grabbed her coffee and blazer then left her apartment for work.<p>

The very same morning started off completely different for Maura since she'd left. She had to remind herself of where she'd been. Normally, she hadn't been so confused when she woke up. But, after three months of waking up in the same tent, she was a little unnerved to wake up in something that was oddly comfortable. She made Angela and herself coffee before taking her shower. When she returned from her shower, she dressed herself in what was casual for her but dressed up for anyone else. Angela had been awake now and making breakfast. The honey-blonde smiled when the older woman handed her a mug of coffee. The morning was quiet between the two. They never said anything to each other. Both women had Jane heavy on their minds. Both women were worried about her. They moved around each other as if they'd been practicing it for years. When it was time for Angela to leave for work, she kissed the doctor on her cheek but left without another word.

When Jane showed up to work, she instantly noticed her sergeant speaking with Detective Stevens. She shrugged it off because she was still really angry with Vince.

"Hey," Barry smiled when he saw his partner take her seat at her desk. "We have a hit on Tammy Whitaker. A police officer in South Boston said he spotted her at a gas station."

"Great." The brunette breathed. "Did they take her into custody?"

"Sure did." He nodded. "She'll be here soon."

"Okay, great." She closed the now reopened case on her desk. She'd forgotten to put it away last night. But, then again, she didn't have time. She'd left in such a hurry. She sighed, realising she would have to deal with her mother. "I can talk to her. I think she'll be more willing to open up to a woman." That hadn't been the reason she wanted to take the interrogation with Tammy. It wasn't even because she loved doing interrogations. It was because she wanted to avoid Vince and her mother. Especially her mother.

"Janie," Vince patted the brunette on her back. "How are you feeling? Well rested, I bet?" His smile was annoying. The Italian detective sipped her coffee to keep from telling him to get his hands off of her. She nodded, choosing not to speak to him now.

"What else did you find, Frost?" She turned her attention to the only loyal partner of hers. The only loyal person in her life, really.

"The rest of the guards should be here in an hour or so." He said, clicking away at something on his computer. "Me and Korsak will be going down to Wood Creek in about thirty minutes."

She cringed when she heard her sergeants name. "Okay."

"You okay, Janie?" Vince questioned from his desk. "You seem...off." It wasn't usually her but just like her in a way. She seemed even more depressed than usual. Jane only nodded and sipped her coffee again.

"Jane." The brunette didn't turn. She knew that voice. That was the voice she grew up listening to. Whether it was telling her to act more like a girl or stop picking on her brothers.

She turned, not saying a word to her mother.

"Can I talk to you?" Angela looked around at the other detectives who only appeared to minding their own business.

"I have work." Jane opened the file that was on her desk.

"We don't technically start working for another hour or so, Janie." Vince interrupted. "I'm sure you can give your Ma a minute or two."

She felt the urge to shoot him. Instead, she nodded and followed her mother out of the bullpen. "What?" She finally asked when all Angela did was stare at her.

"I've never seen you cry like that." Angela stated, still staring at Jane. "Never."

"Cry?" She let out a shaky laugh. "Jane Rizzoli doesn't cry. She secretes salty water from her eyes."

"You...were a mess, last night." The older woman ignored her daughter's dry joke. "Maura." She tested, hoping her daughter's reaction would confirm her suspicions. Jane closed her eyes and breathed carefully to get rid of the feeling in her chest and stomach. Suspicions confirmed. "You're in love with her."

"What?" Jane's voice was empty, she only mouthed the words. She cleared her throat to get some volume. "I'm not in love with her, Ma."

"Oh, really?" Angela looked at her with a smug smile. "Maura." There it was. That same reaction. Jane clenched her jaw to fight the urge to yell her her mother. "I don't care _who_ you love, Jane. As long as you love."

"Well, I guess it's too bad that I don't love anybody." The detective glared. Her eyes formed into slits. "I have to get back, now."

"Jane, please." Angela begged. "Maura...she's..."

"What?" Jane threw her hands up but kept her voice low. "She's what, Ma? Different? She doesn't express love the same way as others? That's not it, Ma. She hates me. Whatever impression you got off of her was probably fake. She probably didn't want to talk badly about me last night to you."

"She's...different, Jane." The older woman said calmly. "She's not the way she used to be."

"I don't know what I could do about that." The brunette shrugged. "I don't have that place in her heart anymore."

"But, she still owns yours?" The older woman smiled. "You love her, don't you?" Jane started to say something but stopped herself to take a deep breath. "You do! Oh, Jane! I'm so happy for you!"

"Will you quiet down?" The detective covered her mother's mouth with her hand as she looked around to see if anyone had been eavesdropping on their conversation. "Not the entire precinct needs to know how I feel, okay?" She received a muffled noise and a nod from her mother. She dropped her hand. "I do. Okay? Ma, I do. I don't know _when_ it happened or _how _it happened but it did." She dropped her eyes to her feet.

"Oh, Jane." Angela cupped her daughters chin and raised her head to make her look at her. "It's not wrong. Falling in love isn't wrong. What's life without love?"

"But what's the point in loving her if she hates me?" The brunette pulled away. "It doesn't matter, okay? I'd rather just leave it. I've dealt with these feelings for three months. I've suppressed them for three months. I can spend the rest of my life doing it if I have to."

"Jane..." Her mother started but Barry interrupted.

"Tammy Whitaker is here." He told her, oblivious to what he'd just interrupted. Jane nodded then looked at her mother with a pleading look.

"Don't think this is over." The older woman warned. Jane forced a half smile that only lasted about a second before going to where Tammy had been.

Maura walked around her house in hopes she could find something to occupy her time. When Bass slept longer than usual she decided to use that as an excuse to take him to the vet, she knew that he was probably just relaxing like she should be. But she already had a specialist in mind so she searched through her contacts on her phone – which felt weird to her considering she hadn't even touched her phone in three months. When she found his number she pressed his name and waited for him to answer.

"Dr. West." The man answered on the third ring.

"Hi, Dr. West, it's Dr. Maura Isles." She informed, politely. "Would it be possible for you to fit Bass Isles into your schedule today?"

He pondered this, looking down at his planner. He already knew who Maura was, truth was; he had a crush on her since the day they'd met. He was the best veterinarian in Boston and she knew it. So, when she decided to make him Bass' primary doctor he was delighted. Also he knew of her for her work in the medical field just as she'd known of him. "I think I have time for you." He truly didn't, but he would make time for her.

"Thank you," She smiled. "What time is best for you?"

"Hmm," He looked down at his planner again. "Noon?" That gave him time to have his assistant run out and get him a new shirt due to the dog that threw up on her earlier.

"Thank you, so much." She said through the phone, padding around her dining room and living room.

"Any time," He licked his lips. "I'll see you at noon." The two hung up at the same time. Maura sighed. Once again she had nothing to do. She looked down at Joe Friday.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" She asked the small dog. When receiving a bark she took that as a ecstatic yes and grabbed the leash that Angela had left on the coffee table. She attached it to Joe's collar then the two went on their way. Maura started at her mailbox. It was empty. She smiled. It would give her something to do later. She couldn't help but feel a little pathetic that she was taking joy in simple tasks. She just missed doing regular things. She and Joe strolled her neighborhood. Mostly for herself so that she could rediscover her old home, they'd only killed forty-five minutes. Fifteen minutes walking and thirty at the park.

"Are you hungry?" She asked the small dog when they entered the house. "I'm sure Angela has something for you to eat in here." Being unsure rattled her. She didn't like not knowing what things were and weren't in her home. It didn't feel like her home anymore. Now, _she_ felt like the guest. She tried to shake the feeling off. Hoping it would go away in a couple of days. The honey-blonde played a few selections from the Carmen album by George Bizet throughout her house. She walked around thinking. The primary target of her thoughts were Jane. Always Jane. No matter how pissed she'd been at Jane at first, she still only thought about the stubbornly difficult brunette detective. It was still the same now. She worried for her friend. The brunette looked pale. Too pale for her natural skin complexion. She looked ill. Maura couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right with Jane. Well, that much was obvious. But it went deeper than her appearance. There had to be a reason she gave up on her appearance. A reason she stopped caring about eating. A reason she stopped caring about sleeping. Three months ago, Jane would love nothing better but to eat and sleep all day if she could. Now, she was choosing her job over those two things?

Was it really Maura's absence that did that to her? She never thought she had such an influence on her best friend. Honestly, she never thought the detective needed her. It was always she that needed Jane. To protect her. To listen to her. To help her. There wasn't much she could offer the brunette so it never occurred to her that she was anchored in Jane's heart as much as the detective had been in hers. She always thought Jane tolerated her and kept her around because she'd been different. There were so many people that connected to the brunette better, why was she so special? When Charles Hoyt escaped, Jane went to Maura. There were other places she could've gone that she would've had more protection. Going to Maura only made her more vulnerable to Hoyt. She would have to protect herself _and_ Maura. But if she'd gone to Barry's or Vince's or even Frankie's. One of them could have had her back in protecting herself. Maura didn't even know how to hold a gun properly.

But, Maura couldn't ignore the obvious. Within her absence, Jane changed. She didn't know why, and she didn't want to assume it'd been because of her. So, she was going to figure it out. For the life of her she wasn't going to leave Jane until she figured out what the hell it was that changed her. She wasn't going to leave until she knew that her best friend would be okay. At the rate she was going now, she would work herself to death. Maura needed to know she could trust the detective to be okay without her there. She needed to know that or she would never forgive herself if something to Jane and she never got the chance to forgive her.

"Can you explain to me why you disappeared after your friend Victoria was killed?" Jane asked, her voice colored by interest. Tammy sat across from her, shivering. "Are you cold, Tammy?"

"No, ma'am." She shook her head. "Vicky's dead?"

"Yes." The detective nodded. "Where were you, Tammy?"

"Huh?" She looked up at the detective, noting all of her features. She was pretty. And intimidating. Something about this woman made her want to tell her everything. She felt like she could because if she did then she would be protected. But, if she told anyone then Tre would die.

"Can you tell me where you were?" Jane slid the photos of Victoria's body from the bathtub across the table. "Because Lady Perkins said you were at work but your job said you never showed up. In fact, you didn't even show up yesterday. They started to worry about you, Tammy. So, where were you?"

Tammy licked her lips, deep in thought. She should tell her? No. They would know. They knew everything. They knew just where to find her. "I was...visiting friend."

"What friend?" Jane retorted, not up for guessing games.

The blonde swallowed hard, her eyes avoiding the photo in front of her. "He didn't do nothin'. N'aw he didn't do this!" She pushed the photo away.

"I'm not questioning him, am I?" Jane smiled. "I'm not interested in him. You see, we noticed something, Tammy. Three months ago, a buddy of mine's case went cold. Do you know why cases go cold, Tammy? It's not because we can't figure out who the hell the perp is. That has something to do with it, though. It's because the killings stop." Tammy swallowed again, looking at the detective's mouth as she talked. She feared if she looked her in the eyes, she'd be clearer than water. "The killings in Wood Creek Correctional stopped three months ago. Wasn't that around the time you released into the custody of Lady Perkins?"

The young woman nodded, slowly. "Yes, ma'am."

"That's no coincidence, Tammy." The brunette frowned. "It's also not a coincidence that four guards from the house also worked at Wood Creek but left around the time you left, too. And that all of your housemates went to Wood Creek."

"I don't choose who they hire or pick up, ma'am." The blonde said, quietly. "I don't know nothin' bout why the guards work there. I don't know why Lady picked us all up. I just know that she did and if she hadn't I don't think I'd be here."

"What do you mean?" The detective's tone turned soft, concerned.

"They killed my friends, ma'am." She frowned. "I...I had to get out there. Tre told me to." She didn't realise she'd started rocking in her chair. When the officer at the door noticed he was going to tell her to stop but Jane raised a hand at him to tell him to stop where he was. The blonde continued, tears forming in her eyes. "But they prolly killed her by now."

"Who's Tre?" Jane asked, bringing her hand back to the table.

"I don't know her real name." Tammy shrugged. "She been there so long even the guards call her that. But, I think I heard Sheila call her Washington one time."

"Who's Sheila?" The brunette asked, patiently.

"She...she's mean. Big. Big and mean." Tammy used her hands to describe the woman. "I don' know her last name. But she a guard there."

"Tammy, what's going on with that prison?" The brunette asked. "You don't seem like the type of girl to conduct a plan to murder three women who are bigger than you. It just seems like you were in the wrong places at the wrong time." Jane paused for a moment. "Like when Jessica Woodley talked you into going to the store with her. You didn't know she was going to rob the place, did you?" Tammy shook her head. "But, you stuck by her didn't you? You stuck by her until she tried to rat you out. She told them that you planned it all. And they believed her. So, you got back at her. You took their plea bargain."

Tammy nodded. "I thought she was my friend."

"Is Tre your friend, Tammy?" The detective asked. The young woman nodded. "Do Tre a favor then. Tell me what's going on in that prison so I can help her out."

"They...they hit you." The young woman started. "They beat you until you do what they say."

"Who?" A crease in the brunette's forehead showed just how concerned she was. "Who beats you?"

"The...guards and some of the inmates." Tammy rubbed the back of her neck. "I can't tell you who, ma'am. If I do, they'll kill her. They will. They killed Keisha because they saw me with her. They killed Gail and...and now they killed Vicky. It's all my fault. I can't have them kill Tre!"

"This is _not_ your fault, Tammy." Jane flipped the pictures over so the young woman didn't have to look at them anymore. "These people who did this wanted a reason to do it. Don't you ever think that you got these women killed."

"But, I did!" The tears were falling now. The young woman's face was red, almost as red as her shirt. "They wouldnt'na killed em if I hadn't told Keisha about it. She tried to help me. She went to the warden." She felt Jane take hold of her hand but she pulled away. "Now, she's gone. So is Gail and Vicky cause they figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Jane asked.

"I can't tell you!" She almost screamed. "Just lock me up! I did it! I killed em! It was me!" Jane leaned back in her chair, giving the younger woman some room to breathe and let out the violent tears. Her words indecipherable between sobs. The detective looked at the officer who looked just as worried as her.

"Tammy," She said slowly. "I'm not going to arrest you. I _am_ going to have this officer take you down to the cafe and keep an eye on you, though." She looked to the officer. He nodded. "I'm going to try to figure out where to put you. We're going to figure this out. And we're going to make sure your friend doesn't get hurt."

"Please don't." The blonde whispered into the cave she'd made with her arms on the table. She lifted her head slightly. "Please? If you go snooping around there, they will kill her." She enunciated the last four words.

"We won't go snooping." She couldn't keep that lie because she wasn't sure if Barry and Vince hadn't left yet. She could easily call them and tell them to turn around. "But, I have to investigate, Tammy. It's my job." Tammy didn't say anything, she gave into the threatening sobs. When Jane left the interrogation room, she noticed Barry was at her desk.

"Hey," She said from a few feet behind him. "What's that?"

"Oh," He turned around. "I don't know." He moved to let her see it. "A note, I think."

"Oh." She mouthed, picking up the note. _Don't think I've forgotten_. The handwriting belonged to Jane's mother. The brunette let out a small laugh. "This woman's impossible." She lid the note into her back pocket. "She's innocent." She looked at Barry.

"Who?" His eyes darted to the paper in her back pocket.

"Tammy Whitaker." She sat down on her desk. "She's a mess. She wanted me to arrest her."

"Oh, I know." He smiled. "I was watching." Jane made a face. "That's why we're still here. Korsak came to get me so we could leave. But when she said that if we go 'snooping' around there, I told him we should wait."

"We gotta figure out what's going on in that prison." She mumbled.

"How's the investigation going?" Lt. Cavanaugh called from the other side of the bullpen.

"Difficult." Jane muttered. "Our prime suspects says that she was with a friend yesterday when Victoria was killed. She also say that if we go investigating the prison, they'll kill '_her_'. I'm assuming '_they_' are the guards and inmates she mentioned. She said some of the guards and inmates beat them."

"Maybe she's making it up?" The lieutenant offered.

"It didn't seem like it." Jane furrowed her brow as she began swinging her legs and nibbling on her thumbnail. "She begged me to stay away from there. She wants us to arrest her. I mean, she confessed but she still doesn't want us to go there."

"Sounds like she's protecting someone." Lt. Cavanaugh shrugged. "Figure it out, Rizzoli." He said, before walking away. The brunette sighed heavily before turning to Barry.

"What do you think?" She asked, genuinely curious. Something shook her about this young girl. She truly seemed afraid for Tre's life. She was guilty but she wasn't guilty of killing those women herself. She felt guilty because she thought it was her fault they were killed.

"I think we definitely need to figure out what's going on in that prison." He took a seat at his desk. "But how will we get in? They'll know we're investigating." Both detectives sighed at the difficulty in front of them.

"Where are those guards?" Jane asked. "Weren't they supposed to be here by now?"

"Actually," Barry looked at his watch. "Yeah, they were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago."

"See if they checked into work with Lady today." Jane pushed herself off of her desk and started to the elevators. When she got downstairs, she noticed her mother talking to Tammy. _Oh, crap._ The detective sighed.

"Ma, what're you doing?" She frowned.

"She looks so sad, Janie." The older woman complained. "I wanted to make sure if there was anything I could do."

"Is she bothering you?" Jane asked Tammy. "I can have her arrested." The younger woman cracked a smile, which made Jane smile. Angela however wasn't too pleased with the joke.

"She's nice." Tammy frowned. "Like my Mama used to be."

"Where is she now?" Angela questioned, having the feeling she already knew the answer to that.

"She died five years ago." The blonde pressed her lips together for a moment. "That was when I met Jessica. My Mama was roll ova in her grave if she knew the trouble I been gettin' into becaus'a that girl."

"Oh, is Jessica your girlfriend?" Angela perked up. "Did you two break up? My Janie here is-" Jane stomped on her mother's foot. "Ouch! Jane that really hurt!"

"Shut. Up." The detective said through her teeth. Angela glared at her before walking away. "Sorry about that. Ma has a habit of getting into everyone's business."

"Jus' like I said. She jus' like my Mama." Tammy smiled. "What was she gon' say?"

"Nothing." The brunette shook her head. "Don't mind her."

"Jane!" Barry called from the door. "We let Whitney Massings go last night." He frowned. "We didn't have enough to hold her. My guess is she went off and told the others. They didn't show up for work today. I sent patrols to their places to check up on them. But, I checked their bank accounts though. All of them withdrew a large amount of money if not all."

"They're running." The brunette shook her head. "Did you put some BOLO's out for them?" Barry nodded. "Damn it. Alert the surrounding states that we have a warrant for their arrest here."

"Gotcha." The dark man walked away, quickly.

"They had somethin' to do with it, didn't they?" Tammy asked, quietly. "I knew somethin' was up when they was only nice to me. I thought it was 'cause I was the nicest to them. They was jus' checkin' up on me so I wouldn't talk."

"Tammy, you gotta tell me what you're hiding for them." The detective sighed.

"I can't." The blonde frowned. "I can't let them hurt her."

"You know I have to arrest you for obstruction." The brunette looked at the younger woman. She truly feared for Tre. That same look to protect the woman was a look she recognized from herself. She looked like when anyone talked of causing harm to Maura. When she thought she could love Maura, she had that look. Tammy was in love with Tre.

"I don' care, detective." Tammy shrugged. "As long as you stay away from Wood Creek."

"What I arrest you for isn't what you'll be sentenced for." Jane pressed. "They'll charge you with accessory to murder. Three murders. And they'll probably link you to the Wood Creek stabbings."

"As long as I protect her, I don' care." The young woman looked at Jane. "Have you ever loved someone so much that you're willing to risk your own life for them, detective?" The look Tammy received from the detective told her all she needed to know. "Then you'll understand why I can't let them hurt her. You can arrest me all you want, though. They ain't gon' stop. They jus' gon' find someone else to replace me." The brunette took a deep breath. She understood where Tammy was coming from. But, her job, the detective in her just couldn't allow it. She nodded and walked across the cafe to sit with her mother, who'd been waiting for her.

"She say anything?" Angela asked when her daughter took a seat across from her.

"Nope." Jane clucked her tongue.

"She reminds me of you." The older woman smiled. "Stubborn. Hard-headed." Jane woman smiled. "Whoever she's protecting is obviously worth protecting. They're obviously worth fighting for."

"Which means this case just got a billion times harder." The brunette rested her head in her hands. "But, I can understand where she's coming from. I mean it's my job. I have to protect anyone I can."

"But you'd only protect Maura the way she's protecting that person." Angela pointed out. "You wouldn't risk her safety at all."

"Look where that got me." The brunette frowned. It got her into the situation she was in now. She thought she was going to lose Maura the day she killed Patrick Doyle. She couldn't take any chances. She would shoot anyone who tried to even misplace a hair on the doctor's head. But, she wouldn't kill them. She learned her lesson. She wouldn't shoot to kill. But she knew that she wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. Maura didn't want anything to do with her. She'd still protect the medical examiner from a distance. That was all she could do.

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><p><strong>Reviews would be nice. The next chapter will be focused mostly on Jane and Maura. I've already written it. I was going to publish it but I decided I should let you guys react to this first and see how you likehate it. So let me know your thoughts. Please and thank you. **


	10. Comfort

_**"Man seeketh in society comfort, use and protection." - Sir Francis Bacon **_

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><p>Swift keys. The flow of her fingers against them reminded her a lot of who she'd been before Patrick Doyle's death. She loved playing her piano. One of favorite songs had been Fur Elise by Ludwig Van Beethoven. It was the song of her youth. The song she'd learn to play as a child. A song that brought her back to her childhood and how alone she'd felt. A song that reminded her she wasn't alone anymore. She had Jane. But, <em>now<em> she didn't have Jane. From strangers to friends. But one incident turned them from friends to strangers. Jane wasn't the same, nor Maura herself. They knew nothing of each other but their prior selves.

The honey-blonde took another swig of her wine as her right hand graced the keys, swiftly. She sighed, bringing her left hand back to the piano. Nights like these, she only wished for a companion. A friend. A lover. Maura knew her song was coming to an end. She didn't want it to end. She didn't want her memories with Jane to end. When it was time for the last few notes, the doctor slowly passed over them, starting the song all over again. This was all she had of Jane. This and a obsessively barking dog in the living area. Between notes, she heard her front door open and close. She looked at the clock then sighed. Angela was home. Maura's fingers stopped as they were and she pulled herself from the bench. Her wineglass in hand with her. To say she was drunk was an overstatement, but she'd definitely been feeling the effects of the wine in her system now. She licked her lips as she carefully strolled to her living room. She took a seat on her couch. The side of it that she usually sat on, anyway. Right about now three months ago: Jane would be beside her with a beer in hand, cheering for a team that she never really affiliated herself with.

"Beethoven." Jane said from Maura's kitchen. The honey-blonde jumped at the voice. "Sorry." Jane dropped her eyes.

"It's fine," Maura didn't look at her. She just stayed glued to her seat. "I thought you were Angela."

"She's here..." The brunette waited for Maura to turn around. She'd been right earlier; Maura couldn't even look at her anymore. "I'm just here to pick up Joe."

"Maybe you should eat." Maura rose from the couch, still unable to turn around. She walked across her living room to inspect the plasma that had been muted. "I made dinner for your mother."

"Oh," Jane looked at the back of the honey-blonde. Her features also seemed different. More toned. Like she'd spent the entire three months of her absence training. "Where did you go, Maur?"

The medical examiner felt her another wave in stomach upon hearing her nickname. "I can't tell you,"

"Why not?" The detective wanted to go to her. She wanted to look at her right in the eyes but something kept her where she was. Normally she disregarded heeding warnings from her body but now she took the hint. The way Maura didn't look at her made her feel almost unworthy to be around her.

"It was somewhere for _me_." She finally turned to Jane. "If I tell you and I leave again, I'm afraid I won't have a place for myself. You'll find me."

"You plan on leaving again?" The words fell from the brunettes tongue. "I don't think there's anyone else I can kill that you're related to, Maura." The words stabbed at Maura's chest. She was right. There wasn't anyone else for her to kill. Her brother was dead. Her father was dead. Her mother could be dead but due to an entirely different circumstance.

"I _do_ plan on leaving again." The words were said carefully. Because she didn't want to give Jane the wrong impression. This time she wasn't running from her. This time she wasn't so angry that she couldn't even be in the same city as the detective. She was leaving because she needed to see her mother.

"Please," Whispered Jane. "I won't hurt you again." The words were so low that Maura couldn't hear them. She only knew that Jane needed her so she sat her wineglass down and walked to her best friend. "I didn't want to kill him. I didn't want to do it. He wasn't supposed to be there, Maur." The brunette sunk to her knees, so Maura accompanied her.

"Shh," She wrapped her arms around the taller woman. "It wasn't entirely your fault, Jane. I've come to realise that. I'm not angry with you, anymore. I promise. I'm just hurt. I'm not hurt that you did it, I'm hurt that you had to _be the one_ to do it."

"Please don't leave, again." _I can't protect you anywhere else._ The brunette continued in her thoughts.

"I...I have to." Maura pulled away to wipe the falling tears from her friend's eyes. "It has nothing to do with you, I promise."

"I find that a little hard to believe." Jane joked, quietly. She looked up into hazel orbs. Maura had been slightly more elevated than her. It was because Jane rested on her legs and Maura rested on her knees. "Beautiful." Was all she she could articulate. "I'm so sorry." She frowned, looking down at her knees that collided with the honey-blonde's.

"For what?" The doctor bit her lip.

"I never really apologised." She sniffled. "I mean I did but I never really told you how sorry I truly am for it. I never thought I'd hurt you when I did it. If I could go back, I would."

"But you can't." The honey-blonde clenched her jaw. A habit she knew was bad but she couldn't help it. "So the best thing for us to do is to move on from it."

"Us." Jane echoed, emptily.

"Yes." Maura nodded. "Us." Her thumbs stroked the tears away from the brunette's cheeks. "We should start with feeding you."

"I'm not hungry." It wasn't a lie. She had a loss of appetite ever since Maura's departure. Most of her energy went to investigating. Investigating cases and investigating where the hell Maura could've ran off to. She looked up into the hazel orbs again. She could still see pain when she looked at her best friend but she saw something else now. Forgiveness?

"You should eat." The doctor pulled away, feeling the moment becoming too intimate for her to handle just yet. She helped Jane to her feet before letting go of the brunette. "I, I'm feeling tired." It wasn't an entire lie. She knew she only felt tired because of the wine but in about twenty minutes, she would be feeling excited.

"Okay." Jane numbly nodded. "I'll just grab a plate and go."

"Good." Maura forced a smile. "Please eat it, Jane. I'd hate to have to force it down your throat, next time."

The brunette laughed softly. "I don't think I'd have a problem with that, surprisingly."

"Don't make me have to do that, detective." The honey-blonde leaned against her island. "I would hate for it to level to that. You can be very messy. I don't want you ruining any of my dresses."

_Are we flirting?_ Jane thought. _No, no this isn't normally a flirty topic. _"Maybe I'll just rip the dress right off of you."

"If you do that, I _will _kill you." Her tone was half serious half flirty. Jane couldn't decide if she should continue or leave it at that. She definitely took a leap of faith by continuing

"Maybe I could slowly undress you then?" The brunette smirked.

"I think I like that a lot better." Maura smiled. "Go, Jane. I'll be here tomorrow." She sighed, knowing that her words were nothing but true. She missed doing things with her time. This was why she worked. She could probably financially comfortably live the rest of her life without working but she didn't want to. She enjoyed spending her time doing something that did good. Something that served the public. It also helped that she was fascinated by the human body.

"Okay." Jane nodded, pulling a plate from the cupboard. "Tell Ma that I'll see her tomorrow." Maura agreed with a nod. She watched the brunette pack up the leftovers before looking at the honey-blonde one more time. She licked her lips and slowly walked over to her. The medical examiner's breath caught in her throat when she could smell the soft perfume radiating from the detective. She held her breath while Jane decided how she should say goodbye.

"Goodnight." The brunette licked her lips again. Longing and heat pooled in her stomach, rolling down to her center.

Maura nodded. "Goodnight, Jane." She held her breath again, the same effect washing through her. She could taste the perfume on her tongue. It wasn't that the perfume was strong, because it actually wasn't. That was one of the things Maura loved about Jane. She smelled so wonderful but one would have to be close enough to her to smell her. Or, if you were like Maura, you were sensitive to the smell. It was _Jane's _smell. She could detect that scent from feet away. Even in a crowd.

"Goodnight." The brunette whispered, her lips suspended only a centimeter away from the honey-blonde's. If she licked her lips now, her tongue would definitely press against Maura's lips. She could feel with Maura finally took a breath again. She smiled and moved her head an inch and kissed Maura's left cheek. She heard the doctor breathe in relief before turning around. Maura grabbed at the counter, trying to steady herself. She'd held her breath so long that she became lightheaded. Actually, for once she wasn't sure what the cause of this was. She wanted to believe it was due to holding her breath and all of the wine in her system. But, something – maybe the 'butterflies' Angela mentioned earlier – pulled her towards the conclusion of it being Jane. The smell of Jane. The look of Jane. The feel of Jane's lips against her skin.

She heard her friend leave without another word, Joe Friday towing behind her. The honey-blonde dropped her head to the granite counter top, slowly. She pooled a cave made from her arms and breathe carefully. The heat within her wasn't subsiding like she'd hoped for. Instead, it pulsed through her veins. She was afraid to move. The small woman nibbled on her bottom lip, contemplating her options. Either she could stay there all night if needed until the heat between her legs cleared or she could deal with the problem in her bedroom. A cold shower was definitely what she needed. A nice cold shower to match the heat that radiated throughout her. Maura's head snapped up when she heard her front door open. Her immediate thought was that the detective had returned to finish what she'd started. She wasn't sure if she was excited by the idea or frightened by it.

When she saw hair that matched her own she knew it was Angela. "Are you okay?" The older woman questioned, watching the younger woman attempt to pull herself together. "Did you two argue?"

"No." Maura bit. Right now, arguing probably would've been better.

"You look ill." The older woman brought a cool hand to Maura's forehead. "Sweetie, you're burning up. I hope you didn't catch something from wherever you went." She hoped it would get something out of the medical examiner. She too was in the dark about where the doctor had run off to. All she knew was that she ran into Ian, but that could mean anything. After all, Ian _was_ a spy...according to Angela.

"I'll be fine." Eventually. "I just need some, ahem, I need a cold cloth." She requested, politely.

"Sure, sure." The other woman rushed to collect a cloth for the doctor. She thought Maura needed something more like medical attention but after all, Maura _was _the doctor. She could probably take care of herself better than any hospital. "Okay, I soaked it with water." The older woman said, handing the cloth to Maura. There had been so many places she needed that cloth to go but some of them would probably confound Angela, so she settled with bringing the cloth to her forehead.

"Thank you." The medical examiner relaxed against the island. Angela wasn't sure if she was thanking her or the cloth, so she only smiled in return.

"If I didn't know any better," The older woman was at the refrigerator now, opening it. "I would think you were in heat." She laughed.

"Feels that way." Maura mumbled. "I should get to bed." She looked at the older woman. "Thank you for the cloth." When she received a nod, she stalked off to her bedroom and locked the door behind her. This was the quickest she'd ever taken her clothes off. When her clothes made a pile where she stood, she didn't even bother to put them where they belonged. She almost ran to her master bathroom. Stepping into the shower before she even turned it on wasn't usual for the honey-blonde. The cold water hit her skin like a revelry. Jane. All she could see was Jane above her. She could hear herself moaning. But, she could only see Jane above her. She only wished she could turn the water to a colder temperature. She shouldn't be thinking of Jane this way. Especially when the detective was so hurt, right now.

When Maura decided that the shower was a waste of time, she turned the water off and got out. She dried herself then pulled her robe around her but didn't bother closing it. She would've felt comfortable enough to walk around her bedroom naked but she knew that if Angela knocked on her door, she would have to explain why it'd taken so long for her to answer it. The honey-blonde sat down on her bed, looking down at her phone. It was odd to be in her home again. It was odd to be around civilization again. It was wonderful to be around Jane again. At first, she was afraid. At first it was weird. Even earlier had been different. There was a shift in their friendship that she'd expected. But, it didn't take long for them to mindlessly flirt with one another. All they needed was to talk.

Maura grabbed her phone from her bedside table. She went to her recent calls. She saw Jane's name, immediately. Ever since her return, the only people she'd called was Dr. West and her mother. The call to Jane had been _that day_.

"Hello?" The detective's voice was dishevelment and shock.

Maura cleared her throat to find her voice. "I wanted to make sure if you made it home." The honey-blonde paused for a moment, feeling a need to explain herself much more. "You looked exhausted when you left. I was worried that you'd fallen asleep at the wheel."

"I think you were more worried about the dinner than me." Jane said, softly. It sounded like she'd adjusted herself on the other line.

"Well, I do want it to serve it's proper purpose." Maura shrugged with no regrets. "Once you eat it, you can fall asleep at the wheel all you want, detective."

The brunette chuckled on the other end. This brought a smile to Maura's lips. "I ate it already." Jane announced. "It was alright."

"Alright?" The smile was gone. That meal was one of her best. "Just 'alright'?"

"Okay," The detective sensed Maura's tone. "It was great. Jeez, give me some credit, Maur. I still have to be badass Rizzoli."

"By 'badass Rizzoli', I guess you mean you have pretend like you didn't cry on my kitchen floor?" Maura's tone was playful but her words were sincere.

Jane glared. "Did you just assume, doctor?" The brunette countered, changing the subject. "What happened to you? You came back tanned, toned, and assuming. Did you eat some weird fruit and have an epiphany from the God of Assumption. Did he tell you it's okay to assume every once in a while?"

"Jane, there's no God of Assum-" The medical examiner started just to be interrupted by a loud groan from Jane. The honey-blonde smiled. "I missed this."

There was a silence for a moment. "Me too." Jane finally said. Maura could hear the sincerity in her voice. But, she could hear the detective quickly recoiling, though. She sighed, understanding. She saw a side of Jane she was sure no one had seen from her. A side that she'd seen when Charles Hoyt was after her. It was the side no one knew existed. No one except for Maura herself.

"Dr. Pike told me that you disfavor assumptions these days." The small woman bit her bottom lip. She already missed hearing Jane's voice.

"Did he?" The brunette's tone seemed serious but Maura knew that Jane had a smile on her face. The doctor had been checking up on her. "Remind me to disorganize the morgue, tomorrow."

"Noted." Maura smiled. "What made you change your mind?"

"About what?" Jane yawned.

"Making assumptions...drawing conclusions...unprofessional convictions..." The doctor drawled on in a low voice.

"Oh." The detective shrugged, even though her friend couldn't see it. "I don't know. I guess it was another way I could be closer to you while you were gone."

Maura felt an ache in her chest. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You came to me." The honey-blonde frowned. "When you needed someone to talk to. When I left, I'm almost certain you didn't trust anyone else enough to go to them."

"It's okay, Maur." Jane's voice was soothing. The hollowness comforted Maura, because that voice had been the only voice in the world that could soothe her. She missed her best friend. She missed her a lot more than she thought she did. The casualty of their conversation only made her feel even more guilty. Even though at the time, she thought she was leaving for a good reason. Maybe she was. If she wouldn't have left just to come back she wouldn't have had the time to realise how at home she felt in Boston. Maura never thought she belonged, anywhere.. Not with her parents. Not with her job. Not with Ian. But as soon as she landed in Boston, she felt it. She felt like she'd been missed. And she had been. She had a family here. But, she left them. And hurt her. The only family she ever really had and she hurt them. She had to remind herself that her absence was necessary.

"Would you like to have lunch tomorrow, Jane?" Maura offered.

"Huh." Jane huffed.

"What?" The doctor felt a wave go through her. She feared Jane would decline her invitation.

"Feels weird." The detective said, quietly on the other end. "We never used to really make plans for lunch. Well, we never asked each other. I mean, I guess we did. But it was more casual, you know?" Maura nodded, although Jane couldn't see it. "We would check in with each other when we wanted to grab lunch together. 'Hey what time are we getting lunch?' or 'hey, what do you want for lunch?' The only other time we really ever asked each other to lunch was when we first met."

"I remember that day." Maura smiled. "It was my first day. I met you in the elevator."

"You were wearing something I've only seen in the magazines Ma orders." Jane added. "You seemed lost."

"You asked me if I needed help." The honey-blonde smiled at the memory before her eyes. "I told you no. Only because I wanted to appear like I knew what I was doing and where I was going."

"I knew you were new." The brunette chuckled. "I could tell because everyone was staring at you. When I asked Korsak who you were, he said you were the new chief medical examiner."

"When I finally found the morgue on my own, you came down to introduce yourself."

"But you were being difficult." The detective smiled. "You told me you weren't into pleasantries."

"I had a terrible morning." Jane could hear the frown in her friend's voice. "I heard them call me Queen of the Dead."

"I heard it to." Jane frowned. "When we were looking at that vic's body out in the field a few hours later, I saw all of the techs staring at you like you didn't know what you were doing. That's when I asked you to lunch...over a dead body. It was a first for me."

"At first I thought it was out of pity." Maura laughed, slightly.

"You told me that I should focus on the case." The brunette ran her fingers through her hair. "So, I did. I asked you if you could tell the cause of death."

"And, I told you I couldn't draw a conclusion without a full body autopsy done." Maura stayed firm to her word.

"But there were bullet holes right in the vic's chest." Jane laughed. "Three to be exact."

"He could've died from heart failure." Maura defended.

"Yes...because of the _three_ bullets_ piercing_ his heart!" The brunette chuckled. "Five years later and we're having the same argument."

"I'd heard of you. Lt. Cavanaugh told me I would have trouble with you."

"And here we are." The brunette smirked.

"Indeed." The honey-blonde agreed. "Here we are."

"I asked if you were sure about lunch." Jane continued, unwilling to let the memory go just yet. "You said yes."

"When lunch time came, I stayed in my office." There was that frown again. "I didn't like everyone staring at me."

"When I didn't see you in the cafe," She stammered. The brunette licked her lips. "When I didn't see you I the cafe, I figured I'd bring you down a club sandwich. I didn't know what you liked so I went for the fanciest one they had."

"It was still awful, Jane." Maura laughed.

"I know that_ now_." The detective smiled. "You looked surprised to see me down there."

"I felt bad." Maura cleared her throat. "The sandwich was horrible but you gave it to me so I felt obligated to finish it. We sat there in silence just eating together."

"Then we just started spending lunch together." Jane shrugged. "It didn't matter what time or what we ate, we made sure we did it together."

"But there's one part of the story that you forgot." The doctor licked her lips. "I heard you telling them to be nice to me." She'd been referring to the entire precinct, basically. That day, when Jane had left Maura's office, she told the lab staff to be nice to her. She didn't think Maura heard her, and the doctor wouldn't have if she didn't go to the restroom when she had. But, Jane told everyone she could not to mess with Maura. Some of them still did but most of them didn't. Most of the station was scared shitless of Jane and she knew it.

"I had to," Jane retorted. "I didn't want them messing with you on the job. That could interfere with professionalism while we're out in the field and you know how I don't like my cases to be ruined." It was a lie. A boldfaced lie. Maura and Jane both knew it.

"Whatever reason, I'm glad you did it." The honey-blonde smiled.

"Yeah, yeah." The brunette dismissed through a yawn.

"Goodnight, detective." Maura smiled.

"No." Jane groaned, snapping her eyes open. "I...I just got you back."

"I'm still here, Jane." The medical examiner reassured. "I promise I will not give you cold feet tomorrow."

The detective couldn't keep back her laugh. "Cold shoulder, Maur. Cold shoulder."

The honey-blonde made a face. "Whatever _expression_ it is, I will be here tomorrow."

"Okay." Jane frowned. "Can...can you stay a bit longer? At least until I fall asleep?"

"Of course." Maura made herself comfortable so that whenever she was ready, she could fall asleep herself. After a few minutes, she could hear steady breathing from the other end of the phone. "Goodnight, Jane." She started to hang up but brought the phone back to her ear. "I love you." She whispered but quickly hung up the phone just in case Jane had heard it. The medical examiner closed her eyes. She didn't expect tonight end so wonderfully. But, she was glad that it had. She was glad that she'd allowed herself to get close to Jane. She knew that they had a lot of ground to cover but for now, at this moment, her world was perfect.


	11. Lunch

**_"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." _**

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><p>Unlike other mornings since Maura's disappearances, this morning was different. Jubilant blood soared throughout Jane's veins as excitement took over her. She rolled herself from her bed and made her way to her dresser. She pulled out her running shorts and a police academy shirt. She checked the time on her clock to see if she had time to start her coffee before her run. Shrugging it off because she decided she'd just grab a coffee at work for the rest of her team, she changed into her running wear.<p>

Jane's run was longer than normal. She ran faster and further. Excitement tickled her bones. She was happy. For the first time in a long time, she was truly happy. When the brunette returned to her apartment, she was greeted with sloppy kisses from her small dog.

"Hi, girl." The detective cooed, kissing her dog right back. "I missed you too." She was rewarded with a loud bark. The brunette chuckled but put her dog back down. In her shower, she danced along to the music from her iPhone. Happiness. It suited her. When the detective all set and ready to go to work, she realised she didn't even need coffee. She actually _slept_. For the first time in three months, she slept without a worry. She didn't even worry about the difficult case she'd been working. It was all because of Maura. The thought of the honey-blonde brought a smile to the brunette's lips.

In her cruiser, she even tapped her fingers against the steering wheel and softly sang along to the tunes on the radio. When Jane reached the precinct, she parked her car in the front just like she'd normally done. Ever since Grant left, she didn't have to worry about it being towed.

"Hey, Ma." The brunette greeted her mother with a smile the size of Texas. "Four coffees."

"Why are you so smiley?" Angela searched her daughter's face to see if it'd been a facade. "Did you meet someone?"

"No." The brunette laughed. "I didn't mean anyone."

"You can tell me, Janie." The older woman smiled. "I know you like women now."

"I didn't meet anyone, Ma!" The detective said firmly, but her mood was still untouched. She tried to be serious for a moment but gave into the laugh that tickled at her throat. "I didn't!" She claimed when her mother gave her a look.

"You can't even hold a straight face!" Angela laughed. "I don't who's making you happy but I'm glad."

Jane playfully glared at her mother. "Just hurry up with the Joe, Ma." The brunette made a face.

"Dr. Isles is coming down here for lunch." The older woman informed, pouring the last cup of coffee.

"You've known each other for years." Jane looked at her mother. "You've lived with her for a year. And you still refer to her as 'Dr. Isles'. It's kinda weird, Ma."

Jane's mother only shrugged. "I like it. It makes her sound...sophisticated."

"I think you just like reminding yourself that you know a doctor." Jane chuckled.

"Anyways," The older woman rolled her eyes. "She told me she's meeting someone up here for lunch. I don't who it is, but I'm just letting you know."

"It's me, Ma." The detective took her wallet from her pocket. "She's coming to see me."

"Why was she so discreet about it?" Angela frowned.

"Because she didn't want you in her business!" Jane took her mother's hands and slapped the money in them. "Don't take it personally, Ma. She just likes her privacy."

"Or there was a reason she was hiding it from me." Angela looked at Jane. "Is it a date?"

The question caught Jane off guard. She hadn't actually thought of it as a date. "No." She shook her head, her smile faltering slightly. "It's not a date."

"But you want it to be." Angela smirked. "You'll have to tell her soon or later."

"I choose never." Jane grabbed the coffee carrier. "Anyways, I don't want it to be a date. I'm actually really happy with it just being a lunch between friends. I'm glad I can call her my friend."

"Good." The older woman looked down at her hands. "You should get to work. The sooner lunch comes the sooner you can see the love of your life Dr. Isles." Jane would've said something to tell her mother not to broadcast her feelings to the precinct, instead she nodded in agreement and walked away. Her morning was going good and there wasn't much but Maura herself that could bring her high down.

Maura's morning started just as blithely. She managed to go for a run throughout her neighborhood. She made herself breakfast. But, after all of that, her high began to decline. She began to realise she had to go to lunch with Jane. The thought alone gave her butterflies but racked her nerves. Suddenly, nothing in her closet seemed good enough. Suddenly, she wasn't pretty enough. Suddenly, she wasn't social enough. She was nervous.

It was obvious the lunch wasn't a date, because that would be a terrible first date. But, it was a stepping stone to their first date and Maura knew it. She knew that she had feelings for Jane. She's always had feelings for Jane. There had been times when the brunette showed the same affection, but Maura couldn't be sure now. She began second-guessing herself. Did Jane really share the same feelings for her? No. She couldn't have. She had feelings for Agent. Gabriel Dean. Maura knew this because she'd talked Jane into going on a date with him. She'd talked Jane into being with him. Now she regretted her words. The honey-blonde took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"It's just lunch." She coolly told herself. "Granted, it's the first time we've spent together socially in three months after she shot and killed my biological father. _It's just lunch_." The doctor ran her fingers through her hair, nervously. When she finally settled on casual jeans and dark blue blouse, she knew that Jane – and pretty anyone that knew her – would realise that something was up. She grabbed her purse and keys. This outfit, this make-up, and these shoes would just have to suffice for now. _It wasn't a date. _Driving to the precinct, she'd managed to turn around twice. She kept talking herself in and out of going. She'd never been this nervous to have lunch with a friend before. But, that was it. Jane wasn't a _friend_. She wasn't just an _associate_. Jane was much more than that and Maura knew it.

She was mostly nervous because she knew they would have to discuss the Doyle thing. They would have to discuss a lot of things. Like where Maura went. Jane would beat it out of her if she had to. It was a risk she was willing to take. Maura knew it unnerved Jane to not be able to know things. But, that was how she needed it. If the brunette had known where Maura had been that entire time, she would've bought a plane ticket and searched for Maura.

It wouldn't take long for Jane to figure out where Maura had gone. She would ask simple questions such as: Was it hot? Was it cold? Were you around nature? Were you around buildings? Were you around people? Did you spend a lot of time in the sun? Did you walk a lot? Did you sit on a couch the entire time?

Maura would answer all of those, knowing that eventually Jane would come to a conclusion. That was how Jane was. She was smart enough to figure something out if she had enough clues. That stupid gumshoe thing really worked outside of investigations. Maura ran nervous fingers through her hair when she got out of her car. Boston was chilly. She shivered slightly. Either it was because of the weather or because she was getting closer to Jane. Most likely both. Angela had been the first to spot the honey-blonde when she entered the cafe.

"Dr. Isles," The older woman greeted with a smile. "Can I get you anything?"

"Water would be nice." Maura smiled, taking a seat.

"Jane should be here soon." Angela nodded. "I'll call her if I have to."

"I'm here early." The honey-blonde tried to excuse. "I came early to catch up with you. We haven't spoken much."

"Girl time?" Jane's mother smiled, excitedly. She finally had an open invitation into the doctor's personal life. "Great! Let me just tell Stanley I'm taking a break." Her fingers were already untying the knot of her apron. Maura nodded before the other woman left. She looked around the cafe. It was relatively empty. There had only been two other people in there. A young woman and an officer standing right next to her. The young woman looked like she'd been crying. Maura frowned.

"Okay, I have a _lot_ of questions for you." Angela said, taking the seat across from Maura. "First thing's first." She handed the doctor the water she'd requested. "You said you ran into Ian?"

"Yes." The medical examiner nodded before sipping the water. "I did."

Angela thought for a moment, figuring out how to form her question. "Are you two an item?"

Maura's answer was quick and simple. "No."

"Huh." The older woman smiled. "Do you have someone else in mind?"

"I do." The younger woman nodded.

"Is it...Tommy?" She questioned already knowing the answer to that. She was playing a game with the younger woman. She didn't want to off the bat ask if it'd been Jane. When Maura shook her head no, the older woman continued, seeming as if she'd been thinking about it really hard. "Is it...Frankie?" Again, another no. "Okay...hmm...Jane's surgeon?"

"No!" The reply was so quick, it had Angela chuckling.

"Okay, okay, not him." The older woman smiled. "Do I know them?"

"Yes." Maura smiled.

"Hmm..." She pretended to think. "Frost?" Maura shook her head no. "Korsak?"

"Oh, oh no." The medical examiner grimaced at the thought. "No. No. No."

Angela laughed. "We've ruled out all of the men..." She smirked. "Is it...is it Jane?"

Maura started to lie, and because of that she gave herself away. Her breath quickened, noticeably. She was hyperventilating.

"It is Jane!" Angela exclaimed.

"What's me?" Jane called from the table where Tammy had been. "Maura." She smiled. She wasn't sure how she'd missed the honey-blonde. She mentally kicked herself in the ass, though. That was for sure. When she noticed the smaller woman in distress she quickly rushed to her side. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Can't. Breathe." Was all Maura could get out.

"Ma, what did you do to her?" Jane accused, her good mood ruined. She didn't know how to help Maura. Normally this was her job. She thought of calling Dr. Pike but it would take too long, he'd been on lunch.

"I just asked her a question!" Angela defended, but all too worried about Maura to really care now. "Should I call someone?"

"No." Maura shook her head, still having trouble breathing. Her hands were at her chest now and she knew exactly what to do to get herself back on course. She took a few deep breaths, then her airway opened. "I'm...I'm fine." She looked up at Jane, who'd face had been soaked with worry.

"Okay." The brunette nodded, but she didn't move.

"I'm sorry, Maura." Angela said from across the table. "I...I didn't think I would get that reaction from you."

"It's quite fine, Angela. I brought it upon myself." She felt guilty that Jane had yelled at her mother. She knew what would happen if she tried to lie but she didn't feel right telling the truth just yet.

"Still," The older woman slid out of her seat. "I'm sorry." She was vacating it so that Jane could sit down. "I should get back to work. I'm sure that young lady's hungry."

"She said she's not. But I'd make her something, anyway." The detective offered a small smile to let her mother know she wasn't still mad. If Maura said she was okay then she would just have to get over it. Angela smiled back but walked away, giving the two women the privacy they needed.

"I tried to lie." Maura explained when Jane had sat down.

"About what?" The brunette smiled at the thought of her best friend attempting to lie. It'd gotten the honey-blonde in trouble a few times before.

"It's not important." This wasn't a lie. It wasn't important to Maura right. Because she was almost sure that Jane didn't reciprocate those feelings. "How's your case going?"

Jane sighed, her eyes flashing to Tammy. "She won't talk." She tilted her head to point. "She's protecting someone in Prison. But, we can't investigate because she claims that if we do _they_ will kill the inmate she's protecting. She's confessed to the murders but I'm not buying it. Neither is Korsak or Frost."

"What are you going to do?" Maura asked, watching the young woman pick at her food. She seemed bored.

"Don't know." Jane shrugged. "We can't help her if she doesn't open up."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out." The doctor turned to her friend. "You always do."

"I hope so." The detective frowned. She looked over at her mother, who'd been busying herself. When she looked up, the two locked eyes.

"Is there anything I can get your girls?" Angela asked.

"I want the house club sandwich special." Maura said, surprising Jane.

"Why?" Jane looked at her with a smirk. "Don't tell me, after all of these years you actually _liked_ that sandwich?"

"It reminds me of how we became close." The honey-blonde smiled. "Even though it's tremendously distasteful, it makes me smile."

"Am...am I missing something here?" The older woman looked at the two women, confused.

"It's kind of how we became friends," Jane tried to explain. "See, I got her the house special because it seemed fancy and she was fancy so I thought she would like it."

Maura's body shook with laughter. "It was terrible."

"No one really likes that sandwich." Angela agreed. "Stanley designed it himself."

"Well that explains it." The detective laughed. "We'll take two of those, Ma."

"Okay." The older woman smiled at the two women before leaving.

"So," Jane turned to Maura. "Why are you looking at me like that?" The brunette asked. The honey-blonde wore a grin from ear to ear. She almost seemed proud.

"You're eating," She pointed out. "And I don't have to force you."

"I figured I should spare Ma the sight of you shoving food down my throat." The detective looked down at the table.

"Well, since we agreed that could get very messy," The medical examiner looked at her glass of water. She ran a finger across the condensation on the top of it. "I'm sure we're also sparing her the sight of you undressing me, slowly."

Jane laughed at their inside joke. "I guess we are." She licked her lips. "Are you ever going to tell me where you went, Maur?" Dark eyes looked into hazel eyes, searching for any hint of doubt. Being here now, the doctor was actually happy that she'd come. Her nerves had calmed down.

"If you guess," The honey-blonde bit her lip for a moment. "If you guess correctly, then I will tell you. Otherwise, I feel like I should hold on that part of my life."

"Because I already know everything about you." Jane concluded. "I see. So...where you went...did you meet anyone?"

"I met a lot of people." Maura nodded.

"I mean like, did you meet anyone?" The detective asked, quietly, slightly shy of her curiosity.

"Oh, you're asking if I met someone I had a physical and/or emotional attraction to?" The medical examiner cleared. "No. I didn't. Well, I ran into Ian. I traveled with him for a month. But, it didn't go any further than that. I have moved on from him."

"Oh." Jane tried to hide her happiness about that. "So, you didn't have any exotic adventures? You didn't have sex with a male prostitute from the streets of Berlin?"

"I think sex with a female prostitute would be more exotic." Maura shrugged. "Unfamiliar territory." When she receive a blank look from Jane she smiled. "I haven't had sex with a _male_ prostitute from the streets of Berlin, Jane. From any streets, actually. I've been with men. It would be more exotic for me to mate with a woman."

"Mate." Jane chuckled. "You make it sound like you're going to impregnate her."

"Impossible." The honey-blonde shook her head. "But, I'm sure science will find a way, one day."

"Did you at least have fun?" The brunette asked, getting back to her original point. "I mean, when you were gone. Did you have fun?"

Maura considered this. "Yes...and no." She frowned at her conclusion. "I didn't enjoy it because I was so angry with you. I was just really angry. But, I did enjoy my time in nature." When Angela returned, the two women continued talking in peace. Catching up on one anothers lives. The lunch was over almost as quickly as it had began. Jane found herself unwilling to pry herself from the arms of Maura.

"Those sandwiches were horrible. Let's never relive the past ever again." Jane joked, finally getting the willpower to pull herself away from the hug she'd been so comfortably embraced in. "I wouldn't be surprised if they shut this place down. I could see it now, Stanley is arrested for poisoning people."

"Maybe you could do the undercover work?" Maura nudged at her friend's side.

Something clicked in Jane's head. "Undercover..." She echoed. That's how she could do it. That's how she could investigate the prison without running a full investigation. None of the guards and hopefully inmates knew her. "I...I have to go. I'll see you tonight?" The two women had planned on having dinner with Angela.

"Of course." The doctor forced a smile, trying to hide her confusion. She wasn't sure why all of a sudden Jane was to eager to get away from her. Jane placed a quick kiss on the honey-blonde's cheek before running to catch the elevator doors that were about to close. Maura's fingers pressed against the tingling skin from the kiss. She was definitely in love with Jane Rizzoli.

* * *

><p><em>10 hours later.<em>

_Jane's Point Of View:_

_My dearest Jane, I yearn for you. In ways only the seductively wicked can imagine. I have never felt this way for a man before so these feelings frighten me. They frighten me almost as much as they excite me. I've created a game with myself. How many times may I contain myself from screaming out your name while making love with someone else. How many times can I contain myself from thinking of you when pleasuring myself. How many times can I stop myself from moaning when you touch me in a simple innocent way._

_ Keeping myself from you takes such constraint, Jane. There's such exigency when it comes to being professional with you. It is almost infeasible to keep myself from thoughts of you while I touch myself at night, Jane. I have those thoughts so often that I shower myself after to wash away the sickness in me. Is it unnatural? Jane I am a woman, and I have needs. I am in my thirties and I've only been able to achieve an orgasm with two men. When I think of you, it doesn't stop. I have to force myself to stop touching myself. I could have multiple orgasms when I think of you, Jane. _

_ But that doesn't explain my feelings for you. It's not just the sex. It's not just the thoughts. It's the protection. The secure feeling I get when you're around. I feel almost invincible. I know that no one can hurt when you're around. I know that you would go to the ends of the Earth if it were possible to protect me from anyone and anything. _

_ The simple way you brush your hair behind your ears, nervously to cloak how you feel in a certain situation. Even when it's your mother narrating your secrets from your childhood or past. Things I would never have known unless she unveiled them to me. The five fingers of your left hand combing through your delicate strewed black hair. The snide remarks to my facts that you call useless make me laugh internally, but I'd never admit that to you. _

_ I love how different you are from me and how obvious such a thing is so. You are night and I am day. You are black and I am white. We contrast but complement each other in ways none could imagine. I have written so many reasons why I love you and I have done so many things to show myself this is just a phase, but to me it is not, Jane. You make me a better person without even trying. Certain religions and cultures would believe that we were constructed for one another. Could that be true, Jane?_

_ Because, Jane Rizzoli, I am in love with you. _

My desperately tired eyes try to construe the words. My high from this morning has definitely wavered. There is no deciphering them, is there? I don't understand what the hell I'm reading. I close the diary and put it back where I found it. Maura exits from her master bathroom in her robe, ready for bed. I stare up at her from the bed. Have I fooled myself into thinking that those words were real? Maybe I'm so intoxicated with torpidity that I've mastered misreading words. Maybe they were about Ian.

"Why are you still in here?" Maura asks, obviously confused. "Is something wrong?" She glances to the top drawer that I found the diary. I shake my head giving her a silent no. She smiles almost pleasingly. I excuse myself from the bed without another word.

"Goodnight." I say before leaving her bedroom. I can't absolutely make sense of what the hell I just read, I just know that I'm too tired to care right now. I can't over process her diary. I have to sleep or I won't have time to process anything in the morning. But that's not what I spend my night doing. I reconstruct those words in my mind, matching them up with what they really could have said.

"Jane Rizzoli, I am in love with you." I say aloud. How could such words be true? Ian was the love of her life and she told me so. Those words have to have been for Ian. Why did I see my name? Why am I so interested in this? Oh right, because my best friend wrote an entry in her diary about being in love and like the asshole I am and thought it was about me. It couldn't have been.

Maura is straight. It's always "sex this and sex that" with her. She talks about breeding with guys like Tommy! How could she ever vise such feelings for me? I'm no Tommy. I'm no Ian. I'm not intellectually prepossessing. I'm not smart like Ian would be. I don't know much about medicine but how to do CPR and put on a band-aid. I toss and turn some more, uncomfortably. I'm not going to sleep tonight. No matter how much I need it. I'll chalk it up to that I misread her diary and these are the consequences for doing so. I was so fascinated by the possibilities of Dr. Maura Isles' deepest darkest secrets. It was a total invasion of her privacy and no amount of apologies will ever make it right. I dishonored her trust and I don't even deserve to be lying in her guest bedroom. She'd been so worried about me driving home. Something about me being too tired to focus properly. I shift again in the unbelievably comfortable bed. It's so comfortable that Maura once fell asleep in here with me when she was meditating. I decide I'm not going to sleep in here, I feel guilty enough. I pull myself out of bed when all I want is to really be in a coma. That would do me a lot of good. But, that wouldn't really contribute to the full fledged I have for the next three weeks. I have to spend a minimal of two weeks in the Wood Creek Correctional. Am I excited about that? Fuck no.

I'm in Maura's kitchen now, savaging her food away. I have to make this right. I have to tell her that I read her diary, but what if she hates me again? I just got her back. I don't want to do anything to risk losing again. I mean, I killed her father and she fled the country. What would she do if she found out I read her diary?. Now isn't the best time anyway, because she's asleep. Everyone's asleep and I can tell because there's complete utter silence throughout the house. The guesthouse is quiet too. So, it kind of surprises me when I hear light footsteps coming from Maura's room. I think that maybe it could be Joe Friday but I see her asleep in the living room. Maybe it's Bass? No he's creepily sleeping in the kitchen right now. A light from Maura's room flickers then the doorknob starts to jiggle. I think about darting back to the guest room, instead I wait for her to show herself.

"Jane," She breathes, closing her robe tighter around her body._ I've seen you in less than what you're wearing, Maur. _"What are you doing?"

"Couldn't sleep." I drop the carrot I'd been chewing on. It lands on the plate on the counter of the island. "Why are you up?"

"I think I'm suffering from insomnia." She confides as she steals a carrot from the plate. She chews it slowly before continuing. "I haven't been sleeping well, lately. I thought it was I wasn't in my comfort zone but I slept fine last night. I'm not sure what's keeping me awake."

I wonder if I should mention my theory to where she went...or the diary. "Maybe it's Ian." I suggest but she looks at me as if I've just said a bunch of random words in a sentence. Maybe I did. I'm so tired that I can't even be sure I'm really looking at Maura. "You know, that you miss him or something."

"I told you, Jane. I've moved on with my life." She says with a shrug, walking around me to the refrigerator. When she pulls it open, the light that radiates from it seems almost blinding. I use my hands to shield my eyes from the light. "Something's on your mind." She hands me a bottle of water.

"What?" I take the bottle from her. _Damn it, Maura. Why do you have to be so smart? Can't you just leave it alone? For once, don't freaking profile me. _

"Your lack of sleep." She lists. "You're diet has just started to get to normal. But, you're in my kitchen eating carrots when just last night, I had to talk you into eating. Also, instead of working the case, you're eating. Normally, when you can't sleep, it's because you already_ are _on a case. So that leaves me to believe that something is on your mind."

"More like someone." I mumble, quietly. But, I think she heard it because she looks at me before taking a sip of her water. "It's not Casey or Dean."

"Then who has your thoughts?" She questions.

"It's stupid." I finish the last carrot before she can ask me a question. "Speaking of the case, I should get started on that. Gotta catch a killer..and all. Or killers."

"You left all the files at home." Maura points out. "Are you going to drive home at this time of night?"

"Yes." I nod. "Because there's possibly a group of guards and inmates going around killing people." . She gives me that slow head shake and disapproving look that she always gives me when she doesn't agree with me. "I'll see you at headquarters, tomorrow? You can come by to say goodbye." I know it won't be a permanent goodbye. At least I hope not. We hadn't really discussed if she would come to see me or not.

"Call me when you get home." She orders. I nod, but I don't really plan on it. I know that I should because Maura probably knows how long it'll take me to get home. She knows everything. I sigh, heavily. I'm going to have to call her and I know it. I'm going to have to deal with this problem head on.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Reviews would be oh so wonderful! I'll answer reviews on the next two chapters, tomorrow. Too tired and pissed off today. **

**Bad breakup. Cancer is growing again. Just not a good day for me. **

**Anyways, hit me up on twitter: juhkobe**

**I could use the company.**


	12. Idea

_**"All great ideas are dangerous." - Randall Jarrell **_

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><p><em>Ten hours before.<em>

Jane dashed out of the elevator doors, her legs never quite moving fast enough. "Frost!" The detective called to her partner. "I know how we can get into the prison."

"How?" He looked at her, confused as to what brought all of this on. The brunette acted as if she didn't say it now; someone important to her would die.

"Okay," She took a deep breath. "We just need to go undercover. As long as none of the women recognize either of us."

"Us?" The detective frowned, he'd been into this idea until she mentioned him. "What do you mean 'us'?"

"We're going to go undercover as guards." She motioned to him. "I'll need back-up."

"Take Korsak!" The dark man protested. "I'm...I..."

"Are you that intimidated by women, dude?" The brunette looked at him. "You've been trained to handle these women. You'll be fine."

"I'll talk to Korsak and the Loo." Barry frowned, closing the file in front of him and making his way to find their sergeant. He had a good idea the older man had been on his way downstairs to the cafe. "Meeting in fifteen?"

"Yeah." She nodded, taking her seat at her desk.

"If Frost and I," Jane motioned to him as she paced the carpet in front of the whiteboard. "Go undercover as guards, we'll be able to figure out what the hell is going on in that prison. Tammy said that the guards and inmates beat them. Frost and I can work our way into whatever clique is abusing the inmates."

"How about," Lt. Cavanaugh took a step closer into the circle. "How about we have two angles going about this. Jane, you're a woman."

"This much is obvious." The brunette muttered under her breath.

Her lieutenant hadn't noticed. "We'll have you go in as a inmate."

"What?" Jane and Barry both exclaimed.

"What if Barry can't get close enough to the other guards?" Vince stepped in. "We have to have a back-up plan."

"Loo, what if she doesn't get in? What if they make me beat her? Worse, what if they beat her all by themselves? Without being close to them I won't be able to stop them from touching her!" Jane didn't care about that but it was a good point. "We can't risk it!"

"You see this shield, Frost?" Cavanaugh was in front of the dark man, pointing to the shield on his hip. "When you swore under oath, you swore you would do whatever could to protect the public. If it means you take a few beating from some inmates and guards, then so be it."

"I know that, Loo." The young man sighed. "I'm just saying, she needs to know what she's getting herself into. We need to know what we're getting her into."

"Especially if the stabbings start up again." Vince walked to the whiteboard. "We're not entirely sure that these beatings are related to the stabbings."

"That's my point!" Barry agreed. "She's walking into a prison with women she's probably put away herself. If one person recognizes her, they will rat her out. She'll be a sitting duck! We obviously can't trust the guards. Especially if they find out she's a cop undercover."

"Rizzoli," Cavanaugh turned to the brunette. "You wanna do this?"

"I..." Jane looked at her partner. He seemed really concerned for her. Barry was like a brother to her. One of the brothers she never had. One that didn't want to be just like her. Or one that didn't screw up so much. He was a good cop. A great detective. And, he was worried about her well being. She looked at her sergeant. He didn't seem as worried but that was because he trusted her. He trusted her to do her job. Her safety was a huge risk and she was very aware of this. "I do, Loo." She dropped her eyes to keep from looking at a disappointed Barry.

"Alright, then it's done." The lieutenant nodded. "I'll have everything set up by Thursday."

"Jane..." The dark man stepped in front of his partner before she could leave the bullpen. "You don't have to do this. Not this way."

"Barry, you stand at a great risk too." She countered. "Your life is in danger too."

"But, I'll have a gun on my hip like I always do." He argued. "If it comes down to it, I'll go down shooting."

"I have to do this." She frowned, knowing he was right. She was in greater danger because she would be completely naked. She wouldn't have her gun. She wouldn't have her partners. She wouldn't have the entire police department to back her up. It would be just her. Maybe Barry if he wasn't cornered himself.

"I don't like this." He groaned.

She took her partners shoulders. "I know." She looked down at him. "But, I promise you I won't be careless. I...I think I have something to come home to."

"Joe Friday?" The dark man suggested with a smirk.

"She's forgiving me." The brunette shook her partner by his shoulders in excitement. She knew he knew who she'd been referring to. "I mean, we actually had an actual conversation today. Something that wasn't forced. It was real. Just me and her."

Barry smiled. "Good."

"Yeah." She nodded. "God, whatever happens. This plan _cannot_ make it to Ma. She will freak."

"Oh, right." The dark man agreed. "What about the Doc? Wouldn't she freak?"

"Yeah," Jane laughed. "Big time. So, let's say _both _of them can't find out."

Maura busied her hands by preparing dinner, but her mind had been even busier. She enjoyed her time with Jane today. To be honest, she didn't want it to ever end. She knew that was an unrealistic and even selfish wish but when it came to Jane she was greedy. She was employed with thoughts of Jane as if it'd been apart of her job. All she wanted was a little time to think of herself but all she could of was herself with Jane. The both of them in the throes of passion. Together.

"Hey," The detective had been carrying a brown paper bag in one arm and the other arm had been lowered, carrying the six pack of beer that wouldn't be a true Rizzoli fashion if it hadn't arrived to the party with her. "I can understand how you got robbed. Every time I come over, your door is unlocked."

The honey-blonde only shrugged as she cut through the onions. "I trust my neighborhood."

"Huh." Jane put the six pack on the island. "Do you?' She quirked an eyebrow at the doctor.

"I did some research on this neighborhood before I moved in." She looked up at her friend for only a beat. "I wouldn't have moved in – or even bought the house for that matter – if I found anything bad. There has only been one other break in."

"When was the last one?" The detective asked, mindlessly investigating.

"Five years ago." Maura didn't mind. "Our neighborhood watch is amazing, Jane."

"They better be." The brunette frowned. "Ma isn't here yet?"

"No." The honey-blonde shook her head. Her curls shook around her perfectly round face. That hadn't gone unnoticed by the detective, in fact it encouraged her to take out a beer and distract herself. "Did your brilliant idea go anywhere?"

"Huh?" The brunette was studying the picture frames on the west wall of the living room. She'd seen seem countless times. It'd been the first time in three months she'd had a chance to look at them. One of the many small things she missed.

"When you ran off," Maura chopped the sliced onion bits into the pan. "Did that lead you somewhere?"

"Oh." Jane looked own at her beer. What a great way to start their friendship back off. Lying to her. "I..." Suddenly she found herself unable to lie now. Did she grow a lie detector test in her respiratory system? "Yeah."

"Care to explain?" The other woman said with a smirk from the kitchen.

"I, uh, I decided to go undercover." She licked her lips. "I figured it would be the safest way in the prison."

"Hmm." Maura didn't dwell too much on the subject. Three reasons. The first one was because she didn't like the thought Jane being in a prison, so she didn't want to know what her friend had been going undercover as. She knew that she wouldn't be able to change her mind. Jane was married to her work and she would die for her work. Maura wouldn't dare get in the way of that, even if she'd wanted to. The second reason was because she had other things on her mind and the way Jane looked right now turned her on to extremes that it took everything in her will power to keep herself rooted in one place. The third reason was because she tried to keep their work and personal lives separate. The two intertwined so commonly – and even though now they weren't working together – it was an unspoken rule not to get into cases at home.


	13. Dangerous

_**It's fun to be hopelessly in love. It's dangerous, but it's fun. - Keanu Reeves**_

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><p><em>Thirteen hours later.<em>

The triturate sound of the rain woke Jane Rizzoli. It wasn't the volume of the rain, and it wasn't the movement the wind cause her home. It was the simple gesture from nature that it was time to pull herself from her comfortable bed. She'd made herself all too halcyon with feel of the enveloping bed beneath her. Peeling herself from the mattress was easy; the difficult part was finding something to do with herself. She showered, cleaning every pore of her skin. Consuming as much time as possible. Outside her window as she employed her hands, trying – praying and surely hoping to – divert her thoughts from the previous night, she watched the strong breeze pick objects from their rightful places and it carry it a feet away just to become bored with it and pick up another object. The throb that pulsed through head reminded her, rather rudely, that last night was in fact real. That her mind wasn't playing games with her. She was used to it – her mind toying with her.

On a daily basis she would think that Maura was flirting with her. Only to be disappointed when the doctor mentioned a date later on in that very same evening. She would think that her close proximity to the medical examiner would be the cause of the light blush that flushed the honey-blonde's skin, turning it a beautiful, sexy red. When she'd returned home last night, instead of sticking to her word, she didn't think about the case at all. She actually pulled out her most expensive champagne, which was only about a hundred bucks. It had nothing to do with price. Back with the detective and doctor were close and frequented most of their time together, Jane found herself lacking wine for the honey-blonde. And after Maura's disappearance, she found herself searching for wine. She knew nothing of how fine wine was supposed to taste, she just knew what wine she didn't like. So, she got a bottle of the first wine she'd ever tried.

The detective spent her entire night reading over the letters she'd written to Maura herself and barreling the wine. So it more than excessively flustered her to think of that letter and the words on it. Maura Isles couldn't be in love with Jane Rizzoli. It had a lot to do with their different backgrounds. The difference between them was obvious by nothing more than a second glance in their direction. Everything about them screamed contrariety. Their height. Their builds. Their noses. Their hair. Their eyes. Their jobs. Jane often lacked what Maura didn't. An pleasing breast size. Placation. Maura was normally calm and relaxed, even with a stressful job. Jane was normally stressed and willing to try kick-box lessons on any perpetrator's face as soon as she had permission. She seldom had permission.

The shrill from her bedroom made her whip her head – harder than meant to – in the direction of the sound. Her phone was ringing. She walked quickly to her bedroom, knowing that it could only be one person. Her mother.

"Yes, Ma?" Jane exhaled, dramatically.

"Jane!" The older woman exclaimed with relief. "Oh, thank God you're okay."

"Of course I'm okay, Ma." The brunette looked at her phone, as if to look at her mother. She brought the phone back to her ear. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You need to get here. As soon as possible." Angela ordered.

"Where?" The detective frowned. "Why? What's going on, Ma?"

"Maura's." Her reply was tarry. "You need to get to Maura's place, now." Before she could even tell her daughter that she would explain it to her, the detective was already hanging up and grabbing her gun and shoes. She didn't need any more of an explanation. As soon as her mother mentioned Maura, she was ready to go.

Something big happened. Jane could tell that when she noticed a firetruck, an ambulance, almost a dozen squad cars, and even more news vans. She felt like she was fighting a freaking Roman war trying to get to where the action had really been.

"Detective Rizzoli." She flashed her badge to the uniforms that held everyone behind the yellow tape. "What's going on?" She asked when the dark one lifted the tape for her.

"Medical examiner was attacked." The man explained. Jane felt her heart sink into the bottom of her stomach. "She'll survive." He assured. "EMT'S are checking her out right now."

Jane looked over in the direction of the ambulance. "Do we have any leads?" She knew she needed to do her job but she wanted to get to Maura as soon as possible, to be honest.

"Yeah." He laughed, humorlessly. "One foot in the house and you'll see." He turned back tot he bystanders, showing her that the conversation was over and that she would have to whatever he'd been talking about for herself. Jane's vociferous stomping could wake the dead. The footfalls gave her arrival away to Maura. The honey-blonde looked up from her swinging feet. She'd been sitting on the back of the bus as the paramedic checked her.

"You okay?" The brunette questioned, giving the EMT look that told him his job was done for now. She looked okay enough for the two be left alone for at least a minute. There had been some forming bruises around her neck, indicating someone had choked her. Her hairline had been covered in blood that blended with her hair.

Maura shrugged slowly, unsure of how honestly she should answer the question. "I've had worse days."

"What happened?" She sat next to her friend, deciding against taking notes. She knew that by now Maura had told the story at least eight times to different officers and detectives. This wasn't one of her cases. This was her friend – the love her of her life.

"I was going to go for a walk." It explained her getup. She wore yoga pants and shoes that were precisely made for exercise. "I noticed him standing there. He was waiting for me."

"What happened next?" The question was forced from her lips. She already knew but she needed to hear it.

"I needed to make sure Angela was okay." The honey-blonde frowned. "I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I'd allowed her to _die _in my home." She croaked.

"It wouldn't have been your fault, Maur." Jane grabbed her friends hands. She was touched by the protectiveness the other woman held for_ her _mother. It also made her feel guilty. She'd been here comforting Maura instead of her own mother. She hadn't even checked to see if Angela had been okay.

"I demanded to know why he'd invaded my home." The doctor suddenly seemed bolder. "He laughed. Then he...grabbed me." She pointed to her neck. "I thought I was going to die." A wave of guilt washed over the brunette. She could've protected Maura and her mother if she'd just stayed. She left because she'd been tired to read correctly and now here she was sitting at the back of an ambulance as her friend told her of an attack in her home that _she _could've prevented.

"I'm so sorry." The brunette couldn't find her voice but she didn't have time to because her sergeant was approaching her. "What? What do you want?" She didn't care for her attitude, but apparently it'd shocked the medical examiner because gave the detective a look of flabbergast.

"I...I think you should come inside for a second." The older man said, suddenly feeling like the smallest person in the world. He didn't want to come take Jane from Maura but he drew the short straw – technically he was the last to say "not it" out of Frankie, Barry, and himself.

"Can't you see I'm trying to do my job here?" The brunette looked at her friend, who'd still be staring at her. "Whatever is in there will be in there for a while."

"Your job is inside, Jane." The older moan frowned. "Doc is fine. Our specialty is dead people. She's very well alive." His words stung at her so she gave him a look that told him to just walk the fuck away. "Jane..." He cleared his throat. "Please? Just come inside. It'll only take a second then you can come back to the Doc." Jane took a heavy breath before stiffly pulling herself from Maura. She didn't bother saying another word to Vince because she would do just what he'd asked. She was going in there to see whatever it was that was to be seen then she would get back to Maura as soon as possible.

It didn't take a master in linguistics. It didn't take a master analyst. It took eyes. It took eyes and the ability to read at an at least third grade level. Red words were displayed on the east wall of the honey-blonde's living room. The words were so big but carefully and artfully drawn that it looked like they'd been glued there instead of written.

Jane felt a hand on the small of her so she turned to chew whoever it'd been out. "What are you doing in here?" She asked Maura, as the woman looked at the wall herself. "You need to sit down." She grabbed the smaller woman at the hips, when the doctor had started to slowly sway in a dizzy manner. "Frost!" She demanded, darting her eyes to the dining room table. The dark man grabbed a chair and hurried it over to the two women.

"I'm sorry." The words were quick and surrounded by a breath of air that escaped Maura. "I...I wanted to help." She stared at the words, her body tense in Jane's arms. The brunette had been kneeling on knee next to the chair, her arms still around her friend. The closeness was unnecessary, according to the looks they'd received from others but to them it was just right. It was what they both had needed.

"_If you stop investigating us, we will stop targeting _her_. Your move, detective._" The detective read. "It's the guards." The brunette looked up at her partner, who'd been at her side. "It has to be them."

"Jane, we've investigated tons of cases. We are still investigating cases." Vince said from across the room. "How can we be sure this related to Wood Creek?"

"Uh, because it's the case we started around the time _she _returned." She used the tilt of her head to point to Maura. "

"Jane's right, Korsak." Barry said from Jane's side. "Tammy told us they wouldn't want us investigating Wood Creek."

"Then it could be Tammy's doings." Vince argued, politely. "She figured telling us didn't do the trick so when she saw you with Maura, she knew exactly how to get to you."

"Tammy was in custody the whole time." Barry interjected but it'd gone ignored.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Maura questioned, turning to the older man.

"Doc," Vince dropped his head. "I'm just saying, the best way to get to Jane is through you."

"Korsak!" Barry and Jane yelled in concert. "_Not now_." The brunette sneered.

"She needs to know!" Vince stepped closer to the trio. "Her life is endangered now, Jane. She needs to know."

"Know what?" The honey-blonde turned to Jane. "What is he talking about?"

"Nothing." Jane retracted her arms, suddenly feeling hot. She stood up. "Vince, I don't think that this is the time to do this. Not here, not now."

"Doc," The older man ignored his partner, darting his head around Jane's body. The brunette was at the point of contemplating violence upon the old man. "Whoever did this did it because Jane-"

"Tammy Whitaker is missing!" Frankie interrupted, oblivious to exactly what he'd interrupted. "Cavanaugh said to get your A-S-S's back at HQ as soon as possible." Jane sighed in relief and gave her a brother look that thanked him, hugged him, kissed him, and even bought his a few rounds of beer.

"Frankie," She turned to her brother. "I'm gonna dance at your wedding." Her smile was grateful although she'd been breathless from breathing so hard out of anger.

"Uh," The younger Rizzoli looked at his sister with an estranged look. He shrugged it off, just glad that she was praising him for something for once.

"Maur," She turned to her friend. "I'd feel a lot better if you went to the hospital."

"I'm not leaving your side." The smaller woman stood. "If Vince is right and if I'm their target then I would feel a lot safer next to you."

"You need to be checked out." The brunette groaned. "Your brain could be bleeding and...you know doctor stuff."

"I feel fine, Jane." Maura rolled her eyes. "I might have a concussion but there isn't much a hospital could do about that. If I suddenly get tired, you'll need to wake me up every hour."

"Frankie duty." The brunette snapped her head back to her brother. "Got it? You watch her like a hawk."

"Okay." He nodded, eager to help out. "You should probably get back to headquarters now."

"I...I can't believe you almost did that, Korsak." Barry frowned at his sergeant. They'd been sitting in the surveillance room as Jane went to check on Maura for the fourth time since they'd been here.

"She needs to know!" Vince defended. "Jane won't tell her. It's obvious how the Doc feels about her."

"Yeah," He shook his head disapprovingly. "But it's not our place to do that. If we rush things for them...we could ruin it for Jane. If you had ruined it for Jane, she would've never forgiven you."

Vince considered this. "I still think Doc should know but I guess I see your point." He quickly stopped talking when Jane returned with two coffees. One for her. One for Barry. None for Vince. He could take a hint. He knew when he was getting the cold shoulder.

"Okay, I'm ready." The brunette sat on the desk. "Play the tape." All three detectives had been looking up at the wide screen on the wall. It displayed Tammy Whitaker sitting in the cafe. Jane was glad that her mother had been home when she watched the perpetrators shoot the police officers that had been in the main entrance and the officer that been guarding Tammy. But, being at home didn't make her any safer considering the events that went on there.

"See, she's apart of it." Vince pressed from across the room. "She had them break her out of here while we were all at the Doc's." It made sense that they'd all been at Maura's place. Maybe it'd been a ruse to get half of the department there to distract from what would actually happen here. It sent a wave unease to Jane's stomach. The same thing happened with Bobby Marino. Maura was important to the city of Boston. She was the chief medical examiner.

"She's fighting them." Barry pointed out, looking at his computer screen rather the wide screen. "It wouldn't be show, she's actually making an effort." They watched as Tammy punched at the men trying to drag her away. All three gasped and jumped at the visual and audio of the attack when a gunshot pierced the otherwise silent room. It roared from the speakers of the wide screen.

"They shot her." Jane said, her eyes still glued to the screen. Tammy had been kneeling down now, obviously in pain from the wound in her stomach now. Jane could identify with her pain. She involuntarily and mindlessly reached at the scar on her abdomen.

"She's not faking the blood." Barry looked at Vince. "They kidnapped her." He stopped the tape. "Still think she's apart of it?" The older man shook his head, numbly.

"So, they attacked Maura and while we were all there they came here to get her?" She turned to her partners. "What do they want with her?"

"Maybe they thought she would rat them out." Vince guessed. "Or that she already did."

"Maybe." Jane nibbled on her thumbnail. "Can you rewind it, again?" She turned to Barry. He nodded, rewinding the tape until she told him to stop. Meaning, he basically started the tape over again from when the kidnappers intruded and shot five cops. That's what the three detectives did for two hours straight. They watched the entire tape of the entire day up until they shot and took Tammy Whitaker. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until those three men came around to shake up the place. After no coffee breaks and only two restroom breaks, the two men detectives groaned heavily when Jane requested for the tape to be replayed.

"Look!" She pointed but it'd been too late. Barry had already restarted the tape. "Fast forward to when they're outside."

"Okay." He sighed, sitting up right in his seat. Vince had been lazily slumped at the other desk. "What are we looking for?"

"They look right at the cameras." She pressed a button on the keyboard to pause the screen. "Look." She pointed again. Vince and Barry stood, inspecting the eyes of the men. "Who worked the surveillance shift around this time?"

Barry looked down at the schedule that had been taped to the desk. "Officer Tom Witty."

"Get him into an interrogation room." The brunette hopped off the desk. "He knew those men were right outside and he didn't call to warn anyone. I mean it's broad daylight and these men are wearing ski masks and all black. They're carrying guns in their hands."

"On it." Vince said, happy to get a chance to leave.

"You think he was in on it?" The dark man asked, referring to Officer Witty.

"I definitely think there's something wrong here." She frowned, rubbing her butt. It'd become numb from her sitting on the hard surface of the desk. "I'm going to go check on Maura. I'll see you when Korsak gets back." Barry nodded.

Jane watched from a distance. Not because she didn't want to be seen but because she loved the way Maura acted when she didn't think that someone was watching. At any moment she would've thrown her hands up and surrendered to watching the honey-blonde but she didn't, because she loved the way Maura moved around her surroundings. It was obvious that the medical examiner missed her job. It was obvious because she examined the equipment as if she'd been examining the wound of a young child. Her touch was delicate and careful but thorough.

After about five minutes, Jane figured she would interrupt before Maura started moving things back where they belonged. That would give Dr. Pike an aneurism.

"Hey," She smiled at her friend, who'd looked as if she'd been caught red handed doing something she shouldn't have been doing.

"Hi." Maura turned back to what she'd been doing, which was looking through the files in a file cabinet. Realising it'd just been Jane, she didn't care. "How's the case going?"

Jane rubbed at the back of her neck. Maura knew something was up. "It's going." She shrugged.

"Good, well since it doesn't have your full attention..." She closed the file cabinet's first drawer with the bump of her hip and walked over to her friend. Angela had managed to bring Maura a skirt and a blouse to match. It wasn't exactly ideal for Maura but it would suffice for now. "Let's revisit earlier...when Vince was going to say something to me. I know I don't get social cues and I've very awkward but, I did pick up that he wanted to tell me something. What was it?"

Jane groaned. "He...just...wanted to tell you that you mean a lot to me." It wasn't a complete lie, was it? It was entirely true and that was what he was going to tell her even if I meant that wasn't how he would phrase it.

"No." Maura shook her head, unconvinced. "That's not what he was going to say. I already know that you care a great deal about me. He wouldn't go through all of that effort to tell me something I already know."

"Maur, please don't." The brunette begged, her eyes doing most of the pleading for her. But, then she thought of something. Something that would get her to drop the subject because the look Maura was giving her right back told her she was no where near ending the conversation.

"It seemed important," Maura walked around the autopsy tables. "He thought it was important for me to know. I figured if my well being is at stake, at least I should know why I'm in danger."

"I..." Jane couldn't find a way to articulate her diary against her. "The last page in your diary, Maura. What...what was that about?" The face Maura made was almost as bad as the look she gave Jane when the detective shot Patrick Doyle. The look of betrayal. The look of hatred. The look of disgust. It made Jane feel two inches tall.

"You read my diary?" The honey-blonde accused, unaware that her volume exceeded the norms. "What in the world were you thinking, Jane? That is so low, even for you!" Jane knew that she would get a reaction similar to this, she anticipated it. She really didn't want Maura to know how she felt about her.

"It's about Ian, isn't it?" The brunette questioned, her voice barely audible. Then something happened that Jane didn't expect, something she wasn't prepared for at all. The medical examiner _laughed_ at her. Laughed. "What's so funny?"

"You...you think that was...about Ian?" She asked through her shaking fit of laughter.

"You told me you moved on..." The brunette ignored the laughter. "You clearly lied. Why?"

"That was about you!" The laughter didn't cease, instead laughing was the only way Maura could get it out. A tiny piece of her was worried about what she'd just admitted. "I was writing about being in love with you, Jane." She wiped the tears away, looking down at the mascara on her finger. Jane froze. Maura felt her tense up even from their distance. She looked at her friend. "I..." The laughter faded now. "I'm sorry."

"You have feelings for me?" The detective squeaked. "How long?"

"Jane," The doctor went to her friend, putting firm hand on her shoulders to keep her in place to listen. "There's something you should know." When she received no response, she decided to continue. "I wrote that...before." She knew what Jane would know what she'd meant by before.

"Before I shot Patrick." The brunette said, numbly. Her words were low. Her eyes were dead. She looked instantly pale. Her hopes were up just to be grabbed and smashed into the ground. "So you don't have feelings for me."

"Not...feelings like you think." Maura frowned at her friend. "So, can we move past this? I don't want things to become weird." She smiled. "I don't have a silly crush on you." This wasn't a lie. She didn't have a silly crush on Jane. She was careful not to lie. She had written that letter months ago. But, since then she'd realised just how much in love with Jane she was. Her feelings were much more than they were back then. Because she'd experienced a life of not knowing Jane, a life of knowing Jane, then a life of not having Jane. She didn't like it. So, she didn't have a silly crush on Jane. She was irrevocably in love with her. But, she would never tell Jane that. Never.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the late update. Well actually I'm not all that sorry, I just kinda feel the need to apologise. Updates will slow down, probably. I distract myself by writing and to keep this story interesting I shouldn't devote my life to it. With the break-up and all. By the way, thanks your wishes. They mean a lot. Idk...I'm just...really_ sad_. Kinda giving up on everything at this point. But, I will stick this story through because it's most likely my last. **

**Reviews, please and thanks.**


	14. Chapter 14

_**I am sad to report that the owner of this account, Jay, has passed away. Most of you know about his battle with cancer. He fought until the end. I, his best friend and a fellow writer just thought some of you should know. I spread the news on my own story (Know You Now) but I knew it wouldn't reach everyone who cared for his writing. Thank you all for the kind words about his stories. He will be terribly missed and as for now, I have no interest in finishing his stories for him. Thank you for your time.**_


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